How did Darryll Stinson find his true purpose after college football?
The Freshman Foundation Podcast is back with guest Darryll Stinson, former Division I football player, mentor, speaker, and suicide survivor.
Darryll talks about how he lost himself in the quest to be a professional athlete and how he found a new purpose in life after football.
It wasn't until Darryll learned the power of vulnerability that he transformed his purpose into helping others.
Darryll is an incredible guy. Any student-athlete, parent, or coach will benefit from listening to his story this week's episode.
I want to thank Darryll for his kind generosity and the wisdom he shared with The Freshman Foundation Community.
You can find Darryll on Instagram @stinsonspeaks or at his website secondchanceathletes.com.
You can learn more about The Freshman Foundation on our website at freshmanfoundation.com.
Subscribe and rate @thefreshmanfoundation Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-freshman-foundation-podcast/id1554156653
Thank you for listening. We’ll see you back soon for Episode 16!
Michael Huber 2:49
My guest on this episode is Daryl Stinson. Darryl is an entrepreneur, pastor speaker, and most importantly, a suicide survivor. Darryl was a defensive end at central Michigan university. Home of the chip was from 2008 to 2011. Darryl's career was ended by a severe back injury that ultimately led to him, trying to take his own life. From that experience, Darrell set out on a path of self discovery. That resulted in him finding his purpose.
Helping others, specifically athletes and entrepreneurs change the world by finding their own highest purpose and building thriving careers and businesses. Darrell is also the author of who am I after sports and athletes roadmap to discover new purpose. And live fulfilled. Please welcome Daryl to the podcast. Daryl, how are you, man? Great to have you. I'm
Darryll Stinson 3:41
Doing amazing. How are you?
I am doing really, really well, man.
Michael Huber
So, uh, tell, uh, everybody who's listening who doesn't know who Darrell Stinson is. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Darryll Stinson 3:51
So I'm originally from Jackson, Michigan. Do you know where that's at?
Michael Huber 3:55
I sure do about 20 minutes, uh, probably 20 minutes or a half hour south of east Lansing.
Darryll Stinson 4:00
That's right, man. And so I, that's where I grew up. Um, Tony Dungy is from there. So I played in Tony Dungy stadium in high school. Uh, it would have been his middle school, but it was my high school Jackson Vikings. And, uh, man, I always been a kid that excelled athletically. Uh, I think I started slow and because I was so tall so soon that my athleticism. Was not caught up with my height. So I was super tall and everyone was like, oh, this guy's going to be good. And then I was like, clumsy. But probably around the seventh grade is when I just, my athleticism just caught up with my height and it started to get dangerous. I dunked. For the first time started building confidence. And then, uh, from there just this got better and better and better. Uh, I got preseason ranked. For Mr. Basketball, one spot behind Dre, Mon green. And, uh, started to look at colleges and so. Uh, that was kinda like the, the fast tracked to, you know, me getting a division, one football scholarship to play at central Michigan university.
Michael Huber 5:07
Yeah. So it sounds like. You knew pretty early on. That athletics was something that was going to be a part of a big part of your future.
Darryll Stinson 5:17
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, my dad's an athlete. Like my family is full of athletes and you know, it's kind of a generational thing. You know, I have an aunt who qualified for the Olympics. She ended up going cause she had some drug issues, but she certainly still has records, um, uh, in the nation and in our state. Uh, my dad was an elite athlete. He would have went pro if he went and blew out his knee, playing basketball. A cousin. Uh, went full ride scholarship. I mean, we've got tons of athletes in our, in our family. So, you know, you kind of have that option to play sports. If that's what you want to do. And for me, it was definitely my desire. It was the way that I was going to be rich, famous, successful. Get, I always say by my, I was going to buy my mama house and my dad had car. And then people were like, well, what did your dad do wrong? Do wrong. And I was like, I don't know, just in my mind, I just kept telling myself that that's what I was going to do for them. And, and so, yeah, athletics definitely ran in the family. And so, so that was pretty common that, Hey man, this kid's going to play at the next level.
Michael Huber 6:14
So at what point did you start to get like, Recruitment. Interest.
Darryll Stinson 6:20
Man very early on. Some people knew my dad, so they were already looking like where's the Stinson bull yet. Because my dad had me when he was a freshman in college. And so, you know, he would bring me to football games. I'll be sitting on the field, you know, run, play, catch. Type stuff. And so they were just always waiting to see a kid grow up and see how good he was going to be. Plus my dad had, you know, a lot of friends and connections in the athletics industry. So, you know, some of them played pro some of them are coaches. And so they were following my journey. My dad had posted pictures and videos, so I fuck. I was always on a lot of people's radar. Uh, but you know, I wasn't. I didn't go to like camps. I did play AAU basketball, which helped me get a lot of visibility in the basketball. I think my biggest challenge was that I was really undecided on whether I wanted to do play basketball or football in college. Because I, my, my first love and my, my. My favorite sport is by far basketball. But, you know, everyone's like, you know, six foot five is kind of. Average. When it comes to basketball, but it's, it's, it's way above average. When you're talking about. Uh, playing football and then my speed was just unheard of. To be that tall and that fast. So. Um, I, that's why I lean towards football. So I actually went to central Michigan to play both. A lot of people don't know that. Uh, but when I got there, they thought they were going to red shirt me my freshman year until I like almost got a sack on damn, the fever who's NFL quarterback. And they're like, yeah. So we're using him on pass, rush packages about that basketball thing.
Just forget that, you know, And, you know, kind of per our, our topic of just, you know, these, these athlete transitions. One of the things I wished that I would have done. Is made the decision for myself and not, and not made it about what everybody else's opinion was. You know, I look back on and I think like, okay, even if I would have been a professional NFL athlete, a pro bowler, Done all these amazing things. I would have rather tried at basketball and failed. Then, then succeeded at something that wasn't my first love.
Michael Huber 8:25
Yeah.
Darryll Stinson 8:26
You know, because to me, I could have learned football really quickly. And so I wish I would have done that. And I didn't, and I think there's a lot of pressure on people, especially when you're good young, like I was where they're like, you know, my coach has always said, it's not a matter of if you're going to play at the next level. It's just a matter of when. And so for me, it was like, I should have chose what I wanted versus other people telling me what to do. And not that you don't listen to other people, Michael, you know this, but it's just being wise and mature enough. To be like, Hey, I'll take the feedback. I'll process it myself. And then I'll make my decision based upon what my heart wants. Not because of, I like the colors, not because I think this is cool and my friends are going to the school, but literally just because this is what my heart is saying. Yes. To. And I think that's okay. And I think we should allow our, our students too, to have all the information, give them advice, make them aware of the consequences of their decision, but then I give them the freedom to choose. And there's a lot of parents who are trying to vicariously live through their children. And my dad was no different.
So let me pause there.
Michael Huber 9:33
Five. And you said a lot there, and it's true, right? In, in my role, working with young people. Who want to, uh, most of them that want to get to the next level, one of the big things. Things that comes up is. Picking a college that fits them. Right. And not just as an athlete, but from a social perspective, from an academic perspective and a lot of times kids now, and not that this wasn't true before get caught up in the name on the Jersey. You know, on social media, where am I going? Am I going to a big name, college versus picking the school that works for them? Because chances are most kids are not going on to play professionally. They're going on to take a job. And are they picking the college? That makes sense for them longterm.
Yeah. Yeah. You know, and, and there's even another side to that coin. I agree. A hundred percent. Uh, with, with you're saying, I would also add to that. That. Yeah. The, the other side of that is true too. Whereas, you know, maybe there is an academic school that's better. Um, but. The you want to go to a championship culture team, you know, And, and so make that decision too. And I get it like sometimes. You know, when you don't have options, that's one thing, you know, you kinda gotta take the best offer on the table. But for a person like me and many other athletes who have choices and options are. Uh, you know, you know, think through some of these things and allow them to choose because to me, again, looking back on it, If I were to chose, uh, you know, my degree program. Uh, granted, I had a lot of choices that had great academics and athletics, so I didn't have to choose one at the expense of the other, but, but if I did, and there was a little lesser degree program, like it wasn't as established or ranked as the degree program, the business program that I chose from CMU. Then I would have chose the one that's going to win me a championship for sports. Uh, for basketball, you know? And, and so, I mean, that's is, that's just the thing is that we gotta think through, so it's not a black and white. Um, scenario it's different for every person. And we just got to take it on a case by case scenario. That's why I love that you have this podcast. Because it gives people stuff to think about that maybe they, they're not thinking about when they're in the heat of the moment. And then it's it's, you know, I always say, you know, people, people say when they're older and wiser, Ah, man, you young whippersnappers, you don't know what it's like to walk a mile in my shoe. And I go you're right. And I don't want to either, I'd rather learn from the mile that you walked than to make the same mistakes. And so that's why I love what you're doing here with this podcast.
Michael Huber 12:04
Yeah. So can you talk about your experience and making that choice? I mean, what I know playing both sports was really important to you, but like what were some of your options and sort of what was the ultimately. The factor or factors that made you choose central?
Darryll Stinson 12:19
Yeah, so I think my top three was Butler university. They, they had, um, uh, it was Iowa. Iowa that was recruiting me, their head coach, but then he got the basketball position at Butler. And so he was extending that invitation for me to have a scholarship there. I didn't go. Funny, funny story. They ended up going to the final, like sweet 16, I think two years in a row. I think final four wants, at least that was the year that I could have played for them. So when they were in the final four, my dad literally texted me to say, How do you feel.
I just thought that was hilarious, but, um, Uh, so it was Butler, Michigan state, or, uh, Central Michigan and I guess Eastern, technically I, so I actually commit it to Eastern. Uh, cause they were going to let me play. Um, both sports and they gave me all these parks. And, uh, I switched on signing data central Michigan university. So my coaches found out because they, um, are a couple of news channels. Uh, live brushing because it was a big deal. Cause they had two division, one athletes coming from our high school going to Eastern. So they were doing this big story. And I've put on my central. Eastern coach calls me. He's pissed. He's. What. What are you doing? And I was just like, man, I don't know. My gut just said.
I made the right choice. Cause we stomped them both. Like all, every time we played them, I sold. You know, Those are my, those were the main decision. I mean, I had a lot of other offers and stuff, but you know, kind of the, the, the best was, uh, I could have went to Butler full ride scholarship to play basketball once at Michigan state on a gray shirt. Okay. Went to. Central Michigan on a full ride to play both Eastern and fluoride to play both.
And I. Chose CMU, obviously. Biggest regret is that I wanted to choose Michigan state. Um, but I say regret, but everything worked out, had an amazing experience. You know, won the Mac championship at CMU play with some great athletes, a number one draft pick Antonio brown. We beat Michigan state in football. One year. They stumped us the other year. So I have had a great experience. Great to give me program met my wife. So, you know, I'm not, I don't say regret in that sense that like, I wish I would have chose differently. I say regret in terms of like, Not being confident enough in myself and my maturity level to make a choice. That was more in alignment with what I wanted.
Michael Huber 14:50
Yeah, but I think as, as adults, now, we both know that there are consequences to our actions and when you're 18 years old.
Yeah.
Michael Huber 15:00
You make a, you make a lot of bad decisions that you learn from and you move on. There's. You know, to, to look back and be able to have learned from that. You know, it puts you where you are today. So there's a reason why you did what you did.
Darryll Stinson 15:11
Absolutely. Let me just say this to mark too, because the gray shirt thing is kind of, you know, hard to decide from some people, I will say this. One of the benefits of me going to CMU and not choosing a gray shirt that I, that I do give myself credit for. Was that I was extremely afraid. Of the decisions that I would make if I had that much time out of school. You know, and granted I could've started a fall, but we would have to pay for it ourselves, which we weren't going to do. And so, um, I don't even know if we could have, if we wanted to. But, but, um, I look back and I know a couple of people who gray shirted, because they were waiting to get in that next scholarship pool. And they ended up flaking because they, you know, jerked off during the summer and, and. And made some poor decision and wasn't hanging around the wrong people and then lost their opportunity to play at the next level. And so some of the people I was hanging around in high school, That could easily happen to me. And so I'm like glad that I didn't hang around. Like I'd literally had like a weekend was my summer when I graduated. I graduated. And then the next week I was in classes and at training camp.
Michael Huber 16:18
Yeah. And
Darryll Stinson 16:19
So, you know, the fact that that just put me right in, uh, Um, a process where I could succeed and be held accountable was like, really why, so that, so I do take that into consideration.
Michael Huber 16:31
How could you not? Right. The financial considerations are just real, right. It's real. Real life and to have structure, right? To have a situation, to walk into where the structure is there for you, where you can step in and start to do the work and have people holding you accountable and responsible. Yeah. There's a lot of value in that. Right. So that matters.
Darryll Stinson 16:50
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Michael Huber 16:51
Yeah. So when you, when you made it. To Mount pleasant, right. Which is where central Michigan is. Um, we're getting our Michigan geography lesson here. What were some of the challenges you face as a freshmen?
Darryll Stinson
I want to set it then. I'll say now, man, I had, I had. Way too big of a head. I had a huge ego. And, um, I was extremely prideful. Um, I wish I would've came in with more humility. I literally. Uh, I didn't study other players because my mindset was like, I'm the, I'm going to be the best. They're going to study me. As dumbest thing. Sounds good. And all. You know, competitive. It was the dumbest thing in the world that I could have done. Uh, that was number one. Um, And so that freshman year I walked in, I mean, you can ask them my teammates I had on shades. Like I got this and then there's this really epic scene. I don't get to tell this story much, but this is, this truly happened. Right? So we come in it's the week that we come in as one of the hardest training weeks. Uh, for the off season, they literally call it crucible week. So we come in and it's crucible. Cause it's like their, their job is to crucify. You. That's how hard it is. So the first workout they've got it. To where the freshmen.
Does like, you know, half the wraps and like just enough to make him sweat and make them hurt, but not as much as the upperclassmen did. When we got to conditioning, they were supposed to do like 2,510 yard sprints, and they were going to let the freshmen in class do like 10. You. So we get done with our 10 and this is after the workout, by the way. So everyone's dead and we're dying. And they go, all right, freshmen, comony, you know, go talk to the coach position coaches, and then I'm sitting there like, nah, I'm not about to, I'm not about to stop. So it was like a scene out of a movie. So I'm looking and there's like four of the five people, like, is this guy serious?
I'm like, no, like I'm going to run with my team, you know? And then the, the, the upperclassmen I'm looking like he ain't going to make it. You. Like he, ain't gonna be dead in five more gassers. And so we stayed in, uh, probably about four or five of them as freshmen and ran the rest of the sprints with the upperclassmen. We'll watch this. So the upperclassmen are looking at us. And they're like, oh no, we can't let this happen. Like, we're not going to let some freshmen run the same amount of condition that we do. So now we're going to do more. We ended up doing 51. 110 yard gassers. Yeah.
Michael Huber 19:21
Disgusting.
Darryll Stinson 19:22
Oh my God. It was crazy. And the coaches. Where like it was like ecstasy. It was so happy. Like yes. Cause every coach wants their, their players to work this hard. And so, you know, that's the mentality I came into college with was like, yo. I'm playing. I'm an athlete. I'm just as talented as the next guy, you know? And, you know, I could do it in sprints. But my leg strength been proven. So then I got smacked around in practice. My coach called me the bus guy. He said they traveled me initially. Because I looked good coming off the bus, but then I get pushed around.
So man, that was my freshman year. It was a lot of big head is me trying to prove myself. It was, you know, adjusting to the class schedule. I did take, um, like six credits over the course of the summer. It was a great decision. Uh, some, um, first year experience classes. I highly recommend that to all athletes. Because it sets you up for success. Every college has their version of like the first year class, ours was called FYE. One-on-one. And that gave us everything that we need to, to succeed academically. In school throughout our four years or five years, depending on however long it takes you to graduate. And so that, that was, I had a great, a really great start, got like a 3.96 GPA that first. Season. And, uh, we won't talk about what happened to the GPA after that.
Michael Huber 20:44
What happened to the GPS? Let's just say, uh,
Darryll Stinson 20:50
What goes up, goes down.
Michael Huber 20:53
But, but no, but in all seriousness though, like what, what were the, what were the reasons for that? Did you not focus on academics or was it just because athletics got more intense or.
It was both man, the college life got to me. I started going to more parties and realizing, man, this is great. Um, started making some important decisions, you know, uh, Um,
Didn't know, didn't know to the degree that I know now how important those academic advisor roles are. So we had an academic advisor for our athletic team, but she was overwhelmed. She was the academic advisor for all of our sports. And so it was always like the long waiting in line to get to her. So I never, you know, I used that as an excuse when looking back, I wish I would've went and seen the regular school counselor. Um, Excuse me, academic advisor. Because I. What happened was my, my, my degree classes started to get really hard. So I was studying in business and I had to take like stats. And, uh, this like economics class and they were kicking my butt. And I was like, I didn't know what to do. And I wasn't.
I was finding out more about where that career could lead me to, and I wasn't in love with it. So I needed to switch my major like freshman year, but I didn't know. You could even do that. I thought that was like a big no- no. And so, you know, I just endured it and I just kind of like avoided it starts skipping class start sheet on test. You know, next thing you know, you're behind you, can't catch up, you know, you get caught cheating on a test.
Which happened by the way I failed us that's class. Cause do they want you to memorize all these formulas? And I'm like, dude, why can't I just have a cheat sheet? So I put the, all the little formulas on the back of a piece of paper. And, uh, slipped it underneath my calculator. Okay. Uh, the problem is that I've got a mild form of ADHD. So I forgot that I did that. And, um, he was walking around just kind of seeing who needs help or whatever, not even like being suspicious. And I might dump self pulls out this calculator sheet and you can see the papers go.
Michael Huber 23:05
No class got silent.
Darryll Stinson 23:08
He called me outside and I failed statistics. So
Darryll Stinson 23:13
You know, one decision after another man. And that's why it tanked for a couple semesters. Oh
Michael Huber 23:17
My goodness. It's so funny. When you say that I took it. I, I cheated on one test in college and I was not like into it, but like it was a chemistry class and it was at eight o'clock. And I was, I hated it. For a lot of reasons. And I was like, I remember like having cheated on my test cause I didn't do anything and I didn't get caught, but I remember feeling so like guilty about it that I would. I just promised myself, I would never do it again. I just going to study now because I felt so bad about it, that I was going to get caught. I was like, I can't do this anymore. You know, it was like the, uh, what's the, the poem where the dot. The heart's speeding under the floor. Um, I forgot, but, uh, It's crazy. Um, so. So academics, obviously. I mean, college life's a lot. Right. And, and you're playing big time. College football. You know, you're trying to get, you know, you're trying to be social. Enjoy yourself. So like where does that go? Right. I know you had a significant injury at one point. Can you tell me about, about that?
Darryll Stinson
Yeah. So I traveled my freshman year, you know, got to play, burn my red shirt. Against block. Um, on my first play, I blocked the kick right at halftime, uh, the university of Georgia, which is now where I live down in Metro Atlanta. Um, played against Matthew Stafford, no show Moraine on those guys. So. Started strong. You know, they put me on like a third down pass, rush packages. So I'm happy. I'm traveling. I feel like I'm the man. I get to sit. And first-class because even though I wasn't an upperclassmen, I was 65, but I was one of the bigger guys on the team. So I get the leg room. Like everything's going great. You know, school's going well. And I am trying to impress these upperclassmen. I did have some minor back problems. And in high school I had deadlifted a little too much and kind of had some herniation. Um, so I came in with this mandate, like, Hey, you know, don't squat. But again, this mentality of like, I'm going to. Prove myself to people. I was not about to knock squat while everyone else is squatting. So I was doing it. No, there was really no problem. And so one day I tried to impress the upperclassmen with how much I could lift. And I, I can't remember what the weight was, but I'm like, I'm, I'm doing it. And I. And I got stuck in something did not feel right. And they racked the bar and I walked away like that. That that's good. But I didn't know the difference between being hurt. And being injured. Okay, so hurt is something you can play through. An injury is something that you need to heal from. And I thought I was hurt, but I was injured. And so I was sitting there using painkillers and just pushing my way through. I went in about. Um, all the way. So that was probably about mid season. I went. Probably, yeah, definitely past the season was over until I finally got it looked at and it wasn't until the off season workouts. Where I looked at my left leg and it hadn't been hurt and not the ticket pills, all that stuff. And my left leg literally slapped it and it was like complete jello. And I was like, something's wrong. And so I went and got an MRI. And I had to have emergency surgery before my left leg went paralyzed because I had so much nerve damage that I was gonna be able to walk again. So that should have been it for me. And so that was kind of what my, my start was. Like, let me pause there and see if you had any questions.
Michael Huber 26:36
No, no, I. Uh, you know, having, having, uh, read, read Daryl's book, um, he had kind of talks about this and I can relate because I had, um, I had neck surgery. Where I had the same thing where my arm still to this day is atrophied. So like when I heard that, I was like, oh my goodness. Like, I can't imagine what that's like when you're trying to walk on it, versus just having it be an arm.
Darryll Stinson
And the thing about it is I was so talented. Nobody knew anything was wrong. You know, so they're like, yeah, he's just hurt because I'm still leaving workouts. I'm still excelling. I'm still making plays. So they're not like nothing is extremely wrong with them. And so I'm like, well, no, something's wrong. And so. Uh, how did the surgery. And, um, for me that was there, the coaches, there was a guy named Josh, Alison that had this same exact surgery that I had double laminectomy the year before he had tried to come back and didn't last like two days. And he was a tough guy. Like he was. He's like one of the strongest in the weight room and stuff like that. So they were like, there's no way. This guy's coming back. So they were like, listen, man. Uh, we value your leadership. We want you to come around the team whenever. Uh, you got a golden ticket. My man, you can focus on education. And you can come round football whenever you want. And we'll still honor. Four years of your scholarship for you. But they didn't understand sports. It was not what I did. It was who I was the, the, this, this, this, this wasn't me. This was me giving up on everything. I had worked my entire life to achieve. You know, this was me losing my identity. This was me losing, you know, My ability to be a superhero and get my family out of poverty. So I wasn't gonna let it go like that. So I'm like, heck no. And I begged them to let me come back and play. I said, no, like, I don't know how many times, six, eight times. And I just kept begging and begging and begging them coming back. I literally the day after my surgery, Michael. Um, I was supposed to be in a wheelchair for like a couple of days.
And I literally got out of the wheelchair. To walk into the meeting room to tell them like, I'm coming back. I'm getting emotional, just thinking about it. Cause I was like, I'm coming back, man. Like, I'm going to prove everybody wrong. And finally, um, you know, this was what happened again. They are not liable for this. Okay.
Don't get central Michigan sued. I literally, this is what they said. All right. Okay. You, you can do it. All right. Pulling your paths. Um, let's go to practice. They put me in inside drill. Against Jake Olson and Eric Fisher.
So. You know, a lot of people don't eat fish because number one, draft pig. To this day, anyone can play that same. You can tell you, Jake Olson probably was better. Like I could be Eric Fisher sometimes, but it was very hard to be Jake. Jake was a monster. He had two knee injuries, ended up playing in the CFL for a couple of years, but. But he'll never, you know, he's the greatest thing that could have been right. And so. I put me an inside drill, which is, um, a running drill with was just the Lyman and the running backs. And they get to run right through the middle. So it's just all strength and I haven't even had the time to properly heal yet. So they thought they were just, they were just going to toss me like a rag down on the ground and then be like, okay, we told you this is not wise. You know, go home.
But what happened is that didn't happen. And I fought and I clawed and they said, whoa, This dude can do this, you know, within three months of his surgery, what can he do? You know, You know, so anyways, long story short, I came back. I was starting within six months after my surgery. And, um, and I started for two years. And I did so the cost of my health, my physical, emotional, spiritual health. Starting to build that of late in the healthcare system, getting multiple epidural shots in my back. Um, I was paying for my, my medical bills out of pocket. And have you ever seen the medical bill, Michael? Um, I've, I've seen them by the. Bills for my surgery side. I know how big they can do. Hey. It's not cheap, man. And so I'm paying for MRI and epidural injections and all this stuff in my insurance that I had was an HMO insurance. So they only had you only, they would only pay for doctors that were in the select doctor group. And Mount pleasant is like in the middle of nowhere. So I had no options in that area. And then the, uh, university could not pay for my procedures. And, uh, because then that would made them liable for my injury and they had already signed a liability waiver. And so I had to pay for this out of pocket. So I started. Selling drugs. Um, to be able to cover the cost of my medical expenses. And for two years, my life was just crazy. I'm literally going from practices. To selling drugs, to, you know, film sessions, to selling drugs, to traveling, to plan, to coming back and selling drugs. And like, life is just a blur for like two years. And I'm still sort of plan started kind of making some plays, but you can tell from all my film that this guy's clearly not. You know, like in, in top physical shape, but he's fricking talented and still chasing down running backs. So I don't know. What did we do? Cause me hurt was better than the next guy, fully healthy. And so I played for two years and ultimately I started taking so many of these opioid pills. That it was stinting my bloods to the point where every time I made contact on the field. Um, my nose would bleed. And so you can even go back and watch film. I remember the game, uh, Michigan state, uh, who's that quarterback that came out of there.
You remember, uh, this would have been Kali, he played, he played in the league. Michael cousins. Michael cousins are Kurt cousins, correct? Yeah. So playing against cousins, come out and get a hit on the quarterback. Like first play, you know, everybody's going, wow. Cause they're like, oh, there's going to be another upset. Central's going to be, uh, MSU again. And, uh, literally it's like I started off strong and then people are like, what happened to the kid that was like already dominating? Well, what happened is my nose started bleeding. And I was playing the rest of the game with nose plugs in my nose, which, you know, child playing football without being able to breathe. And so I did that. And, uh, cultures was like, man, we don't know what you're doing, bro, but something right. And so they kicked me off the team. And that, that got me frustrated that pissed me off. And that kind of led me down this whole path. Face them on my fears.
Michael Huber 32:32
And that's what I was going to ask you. Right? Like, so you, you kind of described that last couple of years is sort of a tailspin, right? Of all the things that were sort of like a blur, like what were the people around you. Saying to you.
Darryll Stinson 32:44
Well, again, you know, this is, this is like one of my coin phrases, man. Um, I was ex eternally successful, but internally feeling.
When you're extremely gifted. It's very easy for you to mask and start internal pain with external success. So I tricked everybody into thinking nothing was wrong. Cause I didn't want to show that weakness. So I'm having the secret battles, you know? Manipulating the healthcare system, getting epidural shots in my bag, having my roommates have to carry me in the hospital. Can't even make it through the night, trying to sleep. And then I'm showing up to practice and I'm like, what's up guys? What's up, man? Let's go. Who ready today? And you ain't ready. Hey. Coach come get him. Come get a heat. Ready. So they're like, oh, this is cool. And then I'll go home and then I'll be crying myself to sleep. And, and then, you know, feeling like I want to quit feeling like I'm not going to make it. I know what I'm going to do with my life after sports. I called the practice. Hey, yo, what's up? Hey coach, man. And look, let me tell you something and don't put this guy against me, man. Cause I'm telling you. I'll tell you it's over. It's over for you. I'm gonna tell him, you see how we did y'all last time.
Yeah. And so they're, they're not, they're not catching that anything's wrong. Um, So I hit a lot of these battles. From, um, the organization. Cause I knew when they found out they were going to stop me and shut me down, I didn't want that to happen. And that's a reality that happens. Um, as you know, from the, the, the, the conversation about concussions, when you got to sit out. I mean. When I played, it was like a week now. It's I don't know. You gotta sit out like three weeks or something crazy. I don't know what the rules are. But nobody wants to come forward and say they have this injury because we all want to play. Right, or we don't want to lose our spot. Right, because if you it's so cut throat, man. So if I, if I, okay, coach, I need to take a break. My back's not feeling well. Okay. May I put the next guy in? He goes, has a great game. It's this and you're not getting there. You know, and that's a, that's a true pressure that I was, I was dealing with.
Michael Huber 34:41
I absolutely listen. I played football in high school and that was as far as I went and I remember I hurt my back one time in high school, so bad that I could barely stand up straight. And you know what I did exactly what you said. I stood up straight. I practiced all week with this. Terrible pain because I didn't want to, I didn't want to lose my spot and I, and I wasn't going anywhere. So like, it's just the way I think a lot of athletes are raised because it is their identity for like, Hey, I want to be a tough guy. I don't want my teammates to think I'm weak. I don't want my coaches to think I'm weak and I don't want to be off the field. And meanwhile, you're going through a lot of stuff that you know, is just kind of carrying you out from the inside.
Darryll Stinson 35:20
Yeah, absolutely man. And I, you know, I don't care. And pull me back in, and this is a tangent. But. There's like, I remember seeing this clip, this was like two or three years ago. Of this UFC fighter and, and it kinda went viral. Because, uh, he was sitting there. He was. He's a black guy and, uh, he was getting ready to. Like he, he, I got knocked out and got back up and, you know, you know how UFC is it's it's brutal. And the clip that went viral was him like looking. He was just looking so determined that he was like, We already knocked this guy out and he literally Mount the words like I'm ready to die. Like I'm ready to die. Like, like I will die in this ring before I tap out. And like everybody was like, oh my God, that's what, that's the true competitors spirit. That's the nature. And I watched that. And I was like, that's the dumbest thing ever. I'm like. Hey. Like I understand the competitor's edge. Don't get me wrong. Don't be soft. But you ready to die? And then, you know, I have a friend who was a UFC fighter, a couple of them, but one reached out to me. He saw my comment on the post. Cause I was like, I don't think this is healthy guys. And he's like, no, man, this is the mentality you gotta have when you fight UFC. I'm like, no, it's not, no, it's not. Who tells you that? This is. And so, I don't know, man, it's my personal opinion that I think we take that too far. I think we do. And that's why my model now is, um, my, my, my, my slogan now literally is when it all costs. Except the cost of your mental health.
Michael Huber 36:44
Yeah.
Darryll Stinson 36:44
Like, we're not. Oh, our lives is going to live beyond this moment. So. All of this glory stories, you know, I get it like Jordan played with the flu. Right. Everybody wants to have those moments, but it's like, yeah, but with Jordan ready to die, like the flu is not. The food is not the death. That's a whole different thing. Y'all. Took this too far, but, but she didn't want that.
Michael Huber 37:08
I'm thinking about what you wrote in your book, that was sort of a very clear message. Is. Once you were able to accept the fact. That your career was over. Then you can move forward and it's, it's very similar to what you described, right? As athletes we're taught never to surrender. Right. We're not going to surrender.
We're not going to quit. And we're going to go until we can't go anymore. But in your case, right, you decided like, I don't want this anymore. Like I need to move on. And that's when your life got better, because you were willing to throw your hands up and say like, I can't do this anymore. It makes life so much easier. Right. So can you, can you just talk about that transition from like the time when you, when you. The experience you had when you were in the hospital, like kind of like reevaluating your life to the point you started to move forward and make those changes to get to where you are today.
Darryll Stinson 38:02
Yeah. So, um, Let me make one distinction. Cause I, I think this is, I feel like I need to say this.
Michael Huber 38:09
Absolutely.
Darryll Stinson
Um, and I, and I kind of got off on this tangent and I want to say this for the audience, because. I talked about this concept of. Masking. My internal brokenness with external success. And here's what I learned. Is that vulnerability is a Batman signal for love. And we all have this deep desire to be fully loved. But in order for us to be fully love, we have to be fully known. And so what I tell people. Is deeply inside. I wanted to cry out to the people that were around me and I would do these micro gins. Hints at the fact that I was struggling and I would say something like. I'm just going through a tough time, you know? No. And nobody will really respond because you know, that didn't alarm them. I wasn't being vulnerable enough. But the way that somebody responds to I'm having a tough time, I'm feeling down is way different than somebody, a respondent. When I, when I say I'm having thoughts about harming myself,
So the more vulnerable I am. The stronger signal extends to people that I need love in my life. And so I just wanted to make that point for people. Because I want people to know that this, like, if you feel rejected, if you feel alone, ask yourself the question, how vulnerable are you being? Because the strength of your vulnerability determined and attract the string of love that you so desperately need. Okay, so let's fast forward. And here we are. Um, it's it is, uh, I got kicked off the team I'm pissed off and now I'm facing this insecurity that no one really likes me beyond my ability to run fast and jump high. All these coaches who are asking how's life stance. And how's your family, they only doing this because they see dollar signs on the back of my Jersey. Right. All of my friends on campus who are like, oh, that's Daryl's. Carol's dance and all the little, guy's a football player. Now I can't say that I'm a football player, so no one really likes me. So I'm dealing with this depression and I start like, you know, using drugs to deal with that rather than seeing a counselor or something like that. And I had a one confiding grace. I was confiding in my girlfriend. She's my high school sweetheart. I was dating for four and a half years. We did all the cute stuff that you're supposed to do. Like, you know, wrote my last name next to her first name in cursive and picked out our kid's name and all this stuff. Right. Um, One day I'm sitting in my car. And, um, I'm really contemplating, like ending it. And I call her and I'm like, Hey, Hey baby, what's going on? And she's like, oh, that's okay, Daryl, you know, everything's gonna be okay. You know? And she usually calls me, baby. I'm like, what's going on, man? Like, why is she calling me Daryl? And so I'm like, man something, right? So I'm like call her best friend, like, yo, where's she at? They're like, oh, you know, um, it's okay, Darryll, she just got lost stuff on her mind right now. Like I ain't buying that. So I call another person and the person that the person come to find out, she was at another guy's house. Who has, she had just recently got engaged too. And she was planning to leave me and hadn't told me yet.
That validated, that insecurity that who I was without sports wasn't enough to be liked. And so that was it, man. I started to get real serious and I started mixing my pills with alcohol. Um, I would get, I would drink a whole fifth of alcohol and I would get in a car hoping that a car accident would end at all. And, um, I just want it out of my pain. And to me. The pain of dying was so much less than the pain of living. And I wanted out. And so. You know, uh, one day I sat in this blue Dodge Stratus. And I'm smoking a blunt and drinking a filter alcohol. And tears are running. On my face. And I wrote my suicide letter saying goodbye to everyone. I love. And, um, that was the day I was going to end it and I put the letter there and I turned my phone on silent and threw it on the passenger seat. And I gripped the steering wheel and I started driving 75 miles per hour, down a 35 mile per hour road because here I am getting ready to drive off the highway onto the intersecting highway. And as I'm in this rage, I see my phone light up out of the corner of my eye. And, uh,
That's my mom. And she just had that mother's intuition. She's like, I don't know what what's going on. And I have no clue what you're going through, but I just feel like you need to come to me. Let me get you help. And my mother convinced me to drive from Mount pleasant all the way to Detroit, Michigan, where she was staying. And, uh, she admitted me in a psychiatric care facility. And, um, It was there that my life changed forever. I found my faith there. I did inner healing there. Uh, I found out that my life actually had purpose beyond the sports. I had this dangerous thing called hope. And after all that inner healing and that life-changing experience, I came out of that place to determine that I'm going to figure out what my purpose in life is, because I don't believe that if I'm still alive today, that my future is going to be less fulfilling than my past. So clearly I'm alive for a reason. And I don't have to live my current life as if it's second best to my former life. As an athlete, my best days are ahead of me. They are not behind me and I don't care how much money I got to spit. How many hours I got to pray, how many questions I got to ask? I'm going to figure out what my purpose is. And that's where chapter three of my book covers is this purpose discovery process that I've used to find my highest purpose, because I believe when you find your highest purpose, I'm so sorry to get in speaker mode, but when you find your highest purpose, You and you operate at that level. You will have the greatest level of fulfillment, the greatest level of impact on the world. And so I've found that and, and I'll be honest with you. I knew that one expression of my purpose was to be a public speaker, but I was insecure. I hated the sound of my voice. I was confident in my athletic ability. And when you're at the top 2% of an industry, which you are when you're a college athlete, Well, you got the top 2% of an industry and you have to start from the bottom and another. That is so defeating, right. Because you know what it's like to be in the top, you know, you don't even remember what it's like to be at the bottom. I don't even know. They started from the bottom. Now I hear. You know, I don't even know if I started at the bottom, even when I was uncoordinated. I still had this high expectation in this belief in me, but here I am as this like speaker, can't put two sentences together, terrible body language, terrible eye contact. Mumble.
Can't put two sentences together. Don't know what I'm doing. And like, um, I know that I have this call to do it. And I had to work through all of that. And when I tell it not talk about this in the book is I say, um, Uh, I confuse confidence with competence. So I thought that I was super scared to speak in public. I thought that I had a confidence issue. What I realized that after I grew, I developed a dissident Toastmasters. I stumbled. I fell that practice. I realized that it wasn't a confidence issue. It was a competence issue. I did not know how to put a story together. I did not know how to use my voice. I did not know how to have great body language. I did not know how to put together a structure talk. And when I learned that the confidence came and there was, and so I tell people, if you're interested in something, you have a passion to do something, don't let what you don't know, keep you from what you want. Like do the work, learn, make the mistakes and realize that, Hey, you're not really struggling with confidence. You're just figuring this thing out. You are jumping and then growing your wings on the way down.
Michael Huber 45:24
Right.
Darryll Stinson 45:25
Yeah.
Michael Huber 45:26
And that's, I mean, that's what you would call having a growth mindset right. In the sports psychology terminology. Right. And that's what I tell athletes. Right. They, and, and, and anybody, right? Like sometimes people expect that they're supposed to do something and they use the word should, which I hate. And I tell them it's poison. Right. Because why should you. Right. Would you just describe it as acknowledging that you wanted to get better at something that you had never really done before? So how could you expect to be good at it unless you practice and make an intentional effort to get better, which is exactly what you did.
Yeah. Yeah. And I think there is something to be said in defense of us.
That man. When you put in that work. Man, it's almost like this. You got this podcast. You grow, your you're doing all this hard work. You interviewing and networking, asking great questions and studying your guests and following up. And post producing the content. You're doing all of this. You're building, you're building. You're building. And then just imagine. Just imagine. I don't know. This is not going to happen, but this is, imagine. That the universe gods we're like, Hmm. Delete. Everything. All your podcasts episodes gone. Matter of fact, you know what, not just your podcast episodes, but watch this. You now have lost the ability to speak.
So you can't even do the very thing that you want to do anymore. Ah, It's frustrating. It's tough.
So it wasn't like I could just dust myself off and go play sports again. I had to figure out something new and I had already put in the work. So life tells you that if you work hard at and you give it your all that, you can have anything you want in life. And that's pretty much true until. The thing that you want gets taken away from you. That's right. And that was frustrating.
Michael Huber 47:23
Right. And acceptance is a process. Right. It is right. Like you, you acknowledge that something's not right. You hit your bottom, whatever that bottom looks like for you or me. But then you're like, okay, I know it's there, but like, how do I truly accept? That this is something that needs to change. It's not easy. Right. And I have to say, like, it's really important for me to say this is like, Yeah, I can't. Thank you enough for sharing. Your story, right? Like you've written your book, I'm sure you've told this story a thousand times and you're still breaking up because it means so much to you. And like I'm proud of you to be able to share it. Cause like, I think what a lot of young people need to know, and I would say dare to say, particularly young men. You know that it's okay. To be vulnerable. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to know that not everything's going to go your way and to ask for help. And that's one of the things that I talk to athletes about is you have to learn how to ask for help. It's a skill because we're not taught to do that. You have to get comfortable with that and you have to practice it just like public speaking or anything else. You've got to challenge yourself to say, I need help. And it's okay to look vulnerable and be vulnerable because otherwise you're not going to get better. It's going to, you're going to get worse. You're going to internalize it and you're going to go backwards. And I think that's a really hard thing for, for athletes to understand, because we're used to doing so much on our own. We internalize so much and identify so much with what we do versus who we are as a person, what we believe.
Darryll Stinson 48:51
Yeah, absolutely.
Michael Huber 48:53
So tell me about that because I think it's really important and it comes through in the book. The idea that right. Your purpose is, is, is so.
You you take that purpose and you can apply it in so many places, right. And establishing what your values are. How did you go through the process of establishing your values? And figuring out what that purpose was. Cause it didn't, it didn't happen overnight.
Darryll Stinson
Yeah. Yeah. Not at all. It took about three to five years, to be honest with you. And it's one of the things that. Uh, my editors told me to do with my book cause they said, man, we need to clean it up a little bit. So it's a little more chronological, like. I start to get confused of like, Hey, where are you in college? Or is this after college? And I told them like, Uh, I made the executive decision not to change it. Because that's how it was. One day I was two years past college and, um, I'm excited. I'm getting some speaking opportunities. Um, I'm working at CMU as a marketing professional and having some success. And I watch one football game. And I F and I'm depressed again and feeling like I just want to go play. And so that was the roller coaster of in the battle and the wrestling of actually accepting that it was over in trying to find an, I want to say, find it, but fall in love with that life after sports. Um, and that one was hard. And so, uh, that was the process. So I think it was just a commitment and unwavering commitment that I'm going to figure this thing out. No matter how much I got to pray more, no matter how much I got to. Pay. Um, To figure it out and being okay with. There was a real, uh, probably about six month period where I was. I mean, God, man, I probably, I probably didn't. I probably was like, Concerning our library staff, because I just lived in the library. I was there every single day, reading every book I could find. And I was so frustrated, man. Cause I'm trying to find my purpose and everybody kept saying, well, what are you passionate about? I like sports. I can't do that anymore. So stop asking me that. And then I realized something. I get it. Purpose is not what I do. It's why I do it. And that was a pivotal. A pivot moment for me and epiphany. And I was like, okay. So why. Why did I do play sports? Why. Why did I care about that? Why am I interested in these things that I've mentioned? Is there. Is there something that's common between my love for sports. And my love for. Rap music. Hmm. Okay. What is that commonality? Okay. Well, when I rap people feel free. They're not focused on their problems. Okay. Okay. When I play sports, like I'm the center of attention.
Families come together. Memories are made. Okay. So actually, What is my purpose is to help people create meaningful memories. Like what is my purpose? Is. To foster environments of love, like what is my purpose? Is less of what I do and more of why I do it. And that was huge, man. When I started to go that way, I just kind of started. It's like peeling back the layers of an onion. You know, I just kept asking myself, well, why, well, why, why, why, why? And, you know, it's all in the book and there's certain, certain questions that I would ask, you know, what would you do with your life? If you knew you couldn't fail? And that's where people usually stop is what would you do? What would you do? But that's just the top layer. Then you got to ask yourself, well, why is that? What I would do? Another thing I tell people to do is envision the perfect world. Like I tell people, close your eyes, and I want you to describe to me. The perfect world that you envisioned. And you think everybody's answer would be the same. Right. You think everybody will be like, well, I want real peace and no hunger and a perfect environment. Like all this stuff. The truth of the matter is that we don't say the same things. What I find is when people do that, they start to emphasize certain things because right, watch this, we see the world through the lens of our purpose. And so they'll start to use words like peace or love or wholeness or environment or human connection. And I'm like, ah, we're getting closer to the purpose. Here we go. That motivate you see. And when they do that, it's like, man, it's crazy. And I've done this with, uh, um, you know, high school athletes.
And I've done this with Olympic athletes who are extremely decorated in the process is the same. And they always have the same thing. They're like, Wow. I didn't realize that beneath all of my drivenness was this true desire to do blank. And that actually is my purpose. And this is why this is freeing because while my career will change.
Our purpose is still intact.
Michael Huber 53:44
Well, listen, I mean, I relate to. I relate to you. So much because this is my second life, my second career. And when I was a kid growing up, the only thing I ever wanted to do was be in sports. And I always wanted a job in sports, but I didn't know how to do it, but it wasn't until I found my purpose, which is to help other people be their best. It's now a vehicle for me to do that. It's not the reason why I do. I want to help people. Sports is great, but I can do it so many other ways. Right. I could have a podcast. I could go. Anybody right. If I get up every day to help somebody do something else. That's all that matters. It's just happens to be the way I do it. I couldn't agree with them more. I think it's super important.
Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I'll give you a couple of other things. I know this is always a hot topic and I have a course around this. But a couple of things that I tell people to do. Um, is that we talked, you talked about it was core values, finalist the core values that you live by, because that is something that's not attached to an activity. So a core value of mine is family. A core value of mine. His love of core value of mine is generosity. These are things that come from within and aren't dependent upon. A job, a contract, a sale. Okay. Uh, the other thing that, um, is not in the book, but I've learned since is I have people introduce themselves. Without telling me what it is. They do. And that's challenging for people. Cause when people say, Hey, hi, my name is Darryl hall, you know, and I'm a speaker coach, and I did. So we started going into what I do.
Michael Huber 55:16
Right.
Darryll Stinson 55:16
But how about my name is Daryl and I enjoy long walks on the beach. How about we answer according to our being and not our doing.
Michael Huber 55:25
l love it. That comes up all the time, right? Because people, they want to read you their resume because it's easier to kind of relate to and identify like, oh, this is what this guy does. Or this is how much money he makes, or this is how successful he is, but they don't want to show themselves as a person like. What do I do as a person? How am I show up every day? And it has nothing to do with how much money I make or, or,
Darryll Stinson 55:48
yeah. You know
Michael Huber 55:48
What I drive or where I live. So I love that. Um, so if you had to give advice. To an athlete, right. Let's stick with this kind of group, right? This kind of high school to college or college athletes, like in terms of them.
Finding their purpose or sort of managing their identity, looking back on what you know now, like what would be the advice you would give to them? In that same spot you were in, you know, 10 years ago.
Darryll Stinson 56:18
Dream big. Dream beyond. Okay. Dream big. If you're a current athlete right now. I mean dream as big as you can.
I mean as big as big gets, I mean, you're a hall of fame. You are the next Michael Phelps. You are the next Danica, Patrick, like you are the next Serena Williams. Like you're the next tiger woods. Like you are the next best thing since sliced bread got sliced. Like, I want you to dream big. You're famous. You're rich. House. And I want you to work, work at it, give it everything you got. And then. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to dream beyond. What happens? After your hall of Famer after you're dead. Like a Patrick. What then are you going to do.
That way, if it happens sooner than what you're ready for. You've already done the hard part of thinking through it.
The problem is that we keep telling athletes. To not put all their eggs in one basket. That goals. Completely against. The, the narrative of a high achiever and a competitor, which is taught. To not show weakness and to never prepare to feel. We say that if you believe that you're the best athlete, you will be. It's a mentality. So to simultaneously in another sentence, tell you to prepare for plan B. You're telling an athlete to prepare to fail instead of prepare to succeed. When you tell them to dream big and dream beyond it is a success narrative, not a failure. One. That little shift from a psychological perspective helps them to embrace the thinking process. That's necessary for them to figure out what they're going to do with their life beyond sports. It is a hack to the athlete's identity. And that's what I would say to our athletes.
I absolutely love that. I think that's so great because they're preparing for the future beyond sports. But they're not. Shortchanging their ability to achieve their goals. It should all part. It's just part and parcel of what they're going to be for the rest of their life.
Darryll Stinson 58:30
Exactly. Exactly.
Michael Huber 58:33
That's awesome. Well, I think that's, that's probably a good place to end because I think I could talk to you for hours on end. I love this conversation that is. I just, I'm so thankful that you agreed to come on and join me.
Uh, before we go, why don't you tell everybody where they could. Uh, where they can find you.
Darryll Stinson 58:51
Yeah, you can reach out to me at my website, darrylstinson.com. I'm sure there'll be in the show notes. Um, and then second chance athletes.com is the organization that they want to connect with some other athletes or come on the show or something like that. So, yeah.
Michael Huber 59:04
That's awesome, man. Check out towel stuff, man. Check out his book. Um, I don't know if you're going to see this on video, but here it is. I'll hold it up for the camera. Uh, who am I after sports, Daryl Stinson. And thank you so much. Uh, I loved our conversation best of luck to you going forward and let's stay in touch, man.
Darryll Stinson 59:22
Thank you. Appreciate it.
Michael Huber 59:23
Thank you Darryll.