How is Beth Jessop helping families navigate the youth sports learning curve?
One research organization has projected that the youth sports market in the United States will reach $78 billion by 2026. Even the most idealistic person would have difficulty denying that youth sports is big business. So, how does the average American family navigate this landscape?
My guest on this episode, Beth Jessop, is founder of Sports Parents United, whose motto is “Love first. Sports second.” Beth’s mission is to facilitate healthy participation in youth sport in which the young person is valued in totality, not just as an athletic performer. Sports Parents United provides valuable resources to families seeking to effectively navigate the youth sports learning curve.
In Episode 43, Beth discusses how her own experiences as a competitive athlete and a parent of young athletes inspired her to found and grow Sports Parents United. We explore the idea that young people need to take more ownership of their youth sport experiences in order to sustain participation past the age of 13 and into adulthood.
So, what was your biggest takeaway from my conversation with Beth Jessop?
For me, parents must know how to model positive behaviors for young athletes rather than just saying the right things. Sports parenting is complex, emotional, and often leads adults to behave in a way that doesn’t align with their values.
My suggestion to sports parents is to be clear on your values when investing in your child’s sports experience. It is easy for all of us, myself included, to get caught up in the superficial elements of youth sports, such as our child’s performance and recognition within the community. However, we must remember that sports are merely a vehicle for building character for a lifetime.
I want to thank Beth for her kind generosity and the wisdom she shared with The Freshman Foundation Community.
You can learn more about Beth and Sports Parents United on Facebook and on their website at https://www.sportsparentsunited.com/.
To learn how mental performance coaching can help your mind work FOR you rather than AGAINST you, visit https://michaelvhuber.com.
Thank you for listening. We’ll see you back soon for Episode 44!
[00:00:00] Mike: Hey, Beth, how're you?
[00:00:02] Beth Jessop: I’m good. How are you?
[00:00:04] Mike: I'm doing great. It’s good to see you today.
[00:00:06] Beth Jessop: Yes, I know. I'm excited.
[00:00:07] Mike: It's great. I'm excited to thanks for coming on. It's great to have you here. So I guess to get started, I'd let you in your own words respond to the question of what is sports parents united all about for you?
[00:00:21] Beth Jessop: So sports parents united is all about raising a nutritionally fit, physically fit and mentally fit athlete. So we're really focused on eating well, moving well, and thinking well, which is really fundamental to all athletes at any age, any skill level. Hopefully, the idea for youth sports is to have an athlete who is a lifelong athlete. Like I hope that kids are still playing. My aunt just passed away last October, and she was 94, I believe, and she was still playing basketball. And it kept her going, it kept her going for so long. And so, to me, that's like, the ideal goal of youth sports. Like we never think about that long term goal. Like we never think about youth, like a kid playing T ball, still playing at 75 in a men’s league, whatever that looks like. That's what sports parents United is all about. That lifelong athlete that kid who can move well, who can think well, who eats well, who does all these basic fundamental things that carry on way into the future.
[00:01:46] Mike: Well, that speaks to me, I played baseball in the men's league for over 15 years. And I had to stop in the last few years due to some pretty significant injuries. But I still know people who are in their 40s, into their 50s. And I've seen guys that in that 60, and 70 year old age group is still playing. And it's an amazing thing to watch and it's very uncommon. But you're right, like I think, well, I'm sure we'll get into this more. But like, what the research shows is, most young people are dropping out at a very young age, even before high school. And that has implications for the long term in terms of staying physically fit and physically active into adulthood. And I think that we're not really focusing on that part of the picture.
[00:02:30] Beth Jessop: No, not at all really. Youth sports, I think has shifted even from when I played youth Sports and college sports, and I've been it's been a while, just from the time I played to raising my kids, the shift of the focus of youth sports has changed dramatically. And I think we've lost some of that sense of the passion of the game, the love of the game, the fundamentals that have to have to be the foundation for athletes. I mean, we talk about it, but there is a big difference between talking about it and then doing the things that it takes. And that's what sports parents united is providing resources for sports parents to focus on these fundamental things. It's not the big sexy things that people tend to gravitate towards, which is why youth sports has kind of headed in that direction. It's like just the fundamental things that we have to do on a daily basis. Are we doing these things well as parents? Are we eating well? Are we moving well? Are we thinking well, because it runs down the leash, if we're not doing it, it's really hard to then tell your child , you need to be doing these things. And they look at their parent and their parents not doing any of those things. It's just really important that we that we get that as sports parents, because if we can focus on those fundamental things, we're setting them up for success, as opposed to focusing on the things that we may not even have much control over. We have control over eating well, and moving well and thinking well, we really do. And so we tell our athletes, control the controllables all the time. We control those controllables. So that's kind of the direction that we're headed with sports parents united.
[00:04:31] Mike: Well, there's so much in there. And I think there is disconnect between the way adults want children to act or the way the adults act themselves. And that's a whole conversation in and of itself. So maybe we'll get back to that because I don't want to get on my soapbox. We just started. I usually get to the soapbox for the end when we're sort of wrapping up so it's a little bit easier to swallow for people. So I guess was there something specific that inspired you to start the organization?
[00:05:07] Beth Jessop: Well, actually it started out as sports moms united and we've recently rebranded to sports parents united to get everybody on the same page. And really sports moms united came out of from my mom. She passed away in 2004, but she was an amazing sports mom. She didn't. She just didn't well, and it was because she loved first like her motive was love for sports second, and which is actually kind of what we encompass was sports parents united now. She loved the game, she loved watching she loved just everything about it. And you could feel that and I felt that eye it like ignited a passion in me for sports. Her love for it wasn't anything about how she was telling me what to do. It was just her presence there enjoying the game and loving it and loving watching me. She would sometimes car ride home wasn't overall work in progress. But there was just something there about the way in which she loved everything about it that just ignited my passion for it.
[00:06:29] Mike: Was she an athlete?
[00:06:30] Beth Jessop: She was, she played lacrosse. So she's from back East, and she was a gym teacher. So she just had a love of sports. And so she was just a great fan. She just loved sports. And so I think that's where I got that love to. I mean, she just expressed it well, and so that I wanted to honor that.
[00:07:02] Mike: Yeah, I think what I observed, and this is not universal, but what I think I observe is the parents who have had long athletic careers, and that's obviously a relative term, but have played at competitive levels tend to be a little bit more reasonable about their kids sports experience, because they've already lived that dream, I think the people who haven't competed as much, or maybe didn't get to where they want to go. There's more living vicariously through and more stress in the system, because they want their kids to be something that they weren't. And that's a generalization, which maybe that's not always true, but it's important. Because as young athletes, they have to find their way and have their own experience. And if it's more about you than it is about them, or if it's a conditional type of love, or at least perceived to be conditional about a young person, it's gonna be a really rocky relationship going up through the years. And as they get older, and they feel like, Hey, I'm being controlled, or I'm being told what to do, or I'm just, I don't like the way this is going, they're gonna say, hey, screw this. I'm not doing it anymore. It's not fun. So why would I waste my time is such a big time commitment now.
[00:08:19] Beth Jessop: Yes, yes. And on the flip side of that, so I have this incredible passion for sports. And then I'm raising athletes who have abilities that I see that we just were talking about this before we recorded. Which is every parent has every parent looks at their child and has a perception of where they are some it's, their perception is wrong, completely. And some they're kind of on point, but with my son, I see his abilities, but he doesn't have the drive and passion that necessarily right now, it hasn't sort of clicked yet. And as an athlete who has who is super passionate, I have to back off my own agenda but I mean, I do this. As sports parents united, I look at this all the time, and I see and I'm observing it, and even in doing it all the time, it's hard for me, and I'm watching it, and observing it and thinking, Okay, this is the way we need to do this differently but I get caught up in it too.
[00:09:29] Mike: Well, I think what you've just described as somebody who's human, and I learned that hard way recently, I was coaching one of my son's baseball games, and I like got frustrated with the other coach who is doing some things that I felt were just not right, given the situation and I lost my temper in front of the kids. And like, I reflected on it immediately. Like I knew I was wrong. But like I just was like oh, it's just human to look at a situation and something as we just can't rein in those emotions because we care so much about what's happening or the people around us that it just gets frustrating. And it comes out that way. But for me one of the biggest things that I'll talk to him blue in the face about is like to apologize. So I apologize to my parents and I apologize to the other coach, and I haven't seen the kids yet, because we've had some bad weather but I’ll apologize to them, because it's like, you got to take responsibility. It goes back to what you were saying. We have to model the behavior we want to see from young people. And if I don't take responsibility for my poor behavior, then then what the hell are we doing?
[00:10:39] Beth Jessop: Exactly. I think what you said is really important about you had a conviction, a moment of I know, this was wrong. There are a lot of parents and coaches who don't have that moment that for some reason, there is I don't I'm not even sure what it is. But we've lost that sense of that moment of, oh, this was wrong. I need to apologize. And as adults. And so again, we're talking about running down a leash, if they don't have that moment and react and do the right thing as parents and coaches, then how are their kids supposed to see that and then model that. So we have to get back to where why have we lost that sense of just individually, I just did something that I need, I'm convicted that that's not the right thing to do. And I need to apologize. How do we get where do we get back to that?
[00:11:31] Mike: Well, I think for me, it's about values. I know what I value in my own life. And that's something that's like 47 years of experiences, and very, very strong ones with things that , things that I've learned from and, like I have a very clear set of values as it relates to my life and sports in the way I look at it. I think for a lot of people the value if we put it in the sports context, and I think it probably makes sense is the value is on winning, the value is on performance. And that's not controllable completely. It's in fact mostly not in your control. And so when that ends up happening is when things don't go your way on a field, people start to point fingers, the blame of it's the umpires fault. It's my teammates fault, it's the other team's fault, but it's never my fault. And my son, who has grown up with a father who's always taught him about, like, being accountable and like, look at yourself in the mirror, he still does it. But he's still like, points his finger and I always have to tell him like, what did you do? Like, what's your role in this? I think it's just human nature to deflect because it's a threat to the ego. People don't want to look in the mirror and go like, hey, it's my fault, whether I didn't play well, or whether I did something stupid, or I said something mean, like, they don't want to admit that they're wrong. And so it's a constant struggle to continually drill into these kids, like, Hey, you got to focus on what you can control, which includes your behavior. And if you do something wrong, you need to be able to step up and take responsibility. And if you don't, it might not have any consequence today, but in your life, it's going to catch up to you.
[00:13:11] Beth Jessop: And that's the big message that I think I've been even with my kids to that. And sports is such a great place to practice that. There's not big huge consequences yet. When you're in 13, you are 12, you are what you can practice that, without it being, the consequences being so big.
[00:13:35] Mike: I think you've put your finger on something really important because I think the perception of what the consequences are in real life are much bigger than what they are, meaning people look at 13 new or 12, you tournaments as being like the be all end. And what I see in my work with any athlete, whether they're 10, 15, 20, 25, there's some level of perfectionism because there's a perception that you can't make a mistake, and I see it. And there should always be room to make mistakes, when you're at least that young to say, like, hey, let's learn from it. It's okay to take chances. It's okay to take risks. You're learning something new, you got to get try new things to get better. But instead, you made that mistake, don't do it again, because you're gonna cost us our chances of winning a game and like, really, like what's just gonna matter in the grand scheme of things.
[00:14:25] Beth Jessop: And you mentioned that kids are quitting, like, 75% of kids are quitting at 13 around that age. And there's lots of reasons but I think that's one of those reasons is that, it's no longer a place for development. And so if the kids don't feel like they can develop and make mistakes, and why would I stay in that? Why would I want to stay in that? It's not fun anymore. So I think that's your right.
[00:14:55] Mike: A lot of that comes down comes down to coaching in some ways because again, like there's a passion of mine, but like, creating the conditions for young people to want to keep coming back, right, and there's a few things that go into it. But as I was looking at your website surveying young athletes, the things that they're talking about like, community, and challenge, and accomplishment, like, those are the things that are keeps someone keeps someone motivated, like, I want to be somewhere where I'm happy, feel good. I'm with people, like I'm having fun. And I'm getting better that matters. When especially as they get older, they know like, am I getting better, or am I not getting better? And if they feel like they're getting better, then they're going to keep coming back. Because they're going to feel good about like, Hey, I'm going somewhere with this versus like, Oh, this is a dead end? Like, why do I spend 10 hours a week practicing and playing when I'm not getting better? It's just I might as well go do something else?
[00:15:51] Beth Jessop: Yeah. I would challenge sports parents to refocus on the long term of what you want your athlete to become through sports, not what sports will make them become, it's a different perception. I think that sports parents need to consider.
[00:16:17] Mike: So obviously, the organization's sort of the name of the organization, hence at this, but is there a specific target audience that you have, or maybe flipping another way? Like, who tends to be sort of your supporters?
[00:16:34] Beth Jessop: That's really an interesting question. Because I feel like it's sort of all over the place. I mean, it's not. We have parents who are just starting out who I think maybe don't want to get caught up in the, let's keep up with the Joneses kind of thing. So they're trying to maybe have, they may have seen the way youth sports, like what the environment is, and they maybe don't want to get into that stream of water. And so I think we have that. But then we also have sports parents, I mean, veteran sports parents which is so such a beautiful thing, because they've seen it, they've walked through it. So they have wisdom in terms of, here's what I would have done differently. Here's some things that I wish I would have known. And so it's really kind of, it's not specific to like, it's not for just like athletes that are going into this stage, it's because these are fundamental principles. Eating well moving while thinking well is a fundamental principle. And it's also one that you come back to at each stage. So even if you I mean, if you have these fundamentals, when you're starting out, you even a professional athlete, you come back to these things, am I eating? Well, am I thinking, if I'm not what adjustments do I need to make? So it's not something that is it's something that's universal for any athlete at any stage anytime.
[00:18:14] Mike: I think being in a community of like-minded people is huge. So what you've just described is spot on there. It's almost like a secret society of like, the parents who like, don't want to be crazy sports parents, but they don't know where to turn because they're in the minority. And when you're in that environment, you tend to get caught up in if you're not intentional, because it is emotional, and it is your kids. And there is a lot of finger pointing and a lot of complaining. And it's easy as humans to get swept up into that. So where do I put myself into a group of people who thinks the way I think where we can say like, Hey, how do I really keep myself on the straight and narrow here? And how do I really go about this the right way, even though all the influence out there is tends to be more toward, I'll say, the negative but the much more competitive, professionalized, industry of youth sports?
[00:19:12] Beth Jessop: I say that it's kind of this wide path. But I think that what ends up happening is that it narrows itself down because the ones that stay are the ones who are thinking in that way, like positively powerfully, productively, they don't want to be in that drama. And so they, they're looking for something to kind of step out of that. And that's what I hope that we provide just that positive, powerful, pure environment where you can do you can influence because you have influence on your child. I mean, obviously, how are you influencing them and how are you influencing your own mind to influence them because that's a big piece of it.
[00:20:00] Mike: So how are you reaching new members? Or like, how are you growing your community?
[00:05:07] Beth Jessop: Yeah, that's a great question. Because we're really at the very beginning of getting this membership site out. So there'll be a membership. And it's going to be I don't have the pricing yet, because I'm just like, trying to figure it out. But it's gonna be very low cost, like, just something that that you can get in and get access to these resources. So nutritionally fit, there'll be sports dietitians, there'll be meal plans, and there will be things around that moving well. We have a GAO who is just a specialist in movement. And so and I'm talking a movement for all athletes, not just it's not specific to a sport, it's like, if you have to your body has to move properly. So then mental performance coaches, and you'll have more direct access through the membership to them. So that is what is in the works.
[00:21:05] Mike: Well, I listen to somebody who is in the same world to a certain extent, we don't do exactly the same thing. But I think one of the biggest challenges being in the field of youth sports is like, you want to contribute good, but at the same time, like all these things that we do, to try to spread a positive message and build a community, cost, cost, money and time. And it's like, I think it's a really a big struggle. And I saw this when I was in school for what I was for my master's in sports psychology is the idea of like, talking about asking people to pay money for what you do is very uncomfortable, regardless of what you do. But then you get into this space of like, I just want to help people. And then you're like, I don't want to make it too expensive. But then it's like, well, if you don't make enough, or you don't bring in enough, you can't actually do it. So it's like a very tricky fine line. It is about every day.
[00:22:00] Beth Jessop: Yeah, that's one of the biggest challenges. Because if I could just give it for free, I totally would. Because that's just I want parents to have access, I don't want the money to be an issue for parents not to get the information that they need. But again, it's just me right now. And so my husband's like, you gotta charge something or we're not gonna be able to keep the lights on, it's just one of those things where you have to, but it's just a balance of trying to figure out what that is.
[00:22:33] Mike: I think, it's funny, I was thinking about this early on, when we started talking about, , and I think about this a lot, because I feel like now I'm at a point in my, in my career, my business that I feel like, I offer a lot of value isn't for everybody? No, but if you're providing people with value, then they're more than happy to pay for it if they have the resources. And so when I think about youth sports, and I think about it as a parent, we're spending, I'm spending a ton of money every year, on registrations, on uniforms, on tournaments on travel, to go to all these things, and I rarely ever think of, the value of it, and I think the perception of value is, is my kid getting better? Or, is my kid winning? Or, is my kid gonna get a scholarship? Or, is my kid busy? And like, are they getting exposed versus like, what's the value? The values and the people, are the coaches, what are the coaches reflect the value? Does the club stand for what I stand for? Is my young person getting better as a person, not just as an athlete? And I think a lot of times we just lose our compass on that in terms of like, what is important, like traveling to tournaments? If it's important to my kid, it's important to me, and if they love it great, but otherwise, if they're gonna complain about going to tournaments on a weekend, because they'd rather be with their friends and like, what are we doing? We'll just stay home and hang out with your friends and have a good time. And when you're ready to travel and give up your weekends to play, that's when you do it.
[00:24:14] Beth Jessop: Yes, that is you have really hit the nail on the head right there. Because that's the thing that. Again, that disconnect that parents may have lost somewhere along the way is that if your kid isn't passionate about it, there is nothing that you're going to be able to do. You're not going to there's not enough lessons or enough, extra this or that your kid needs to be asking for that, and then you do it. So I think that's one of the things that could help us refocus and redirect is, how many parents actually just ask their kid what is that you love about this sport? What do you love to do? What are you passionate about in the sport? And then asking, well, if you if your kid wants to make some goals from that great, and then you support that, but I think often we're looking at the end game, and then we're hoping our kid will do what they need to do to get to the end game. But we haven't even asked them.
[00:25:26] Mike: We're making the assumptions, or we're thinking for them about this is what the end goal is. And we're making that assumption, whether it's we know better, or this is the way it makes us feel. And so we just assume they want the same thing. And that creates the conditions for a lot of pressure for kids. Because now, again, like what parents don't realize, and this is only my working theory. Like, this is not based in any sort of evidence, or any sort of anything, but like I always say, like as soon as we criticize our young person or kid about their sporting performance, it automatically goes to the place of you don't love me, which is really extreme, but it is this very conditional thing of like, I'm out there trying my best, I'm having a good time. And I'm having fun. And now meanwhile, you're coming back and you're criticizing me for something I did or didn't do, it makes me feel really bad about myself. Don't you just love me for who I am? And I think that it's just people, we're all very critical. And talking about car rides home, right, like a car ride home is like, I usually don't say anything unless they bring it up. But what I will do is, if I feel like the effort, or the attitude wasn't very good, I might highlight that in the car ride home, because they need to hear that, because that's controllable. And I think a lot of times, it's like, Hey, you don't play? Well, who cares? But if you go out there and act the way you did, or you didn't try your hardest to me, that's inexcusable. And it also leads to a bigger conversation. For me, do you really want to play? Because if you don't want to play, then don't do it. If you're just want results, or you just want to like be the star, and you don't want to try hard when things aren't going your way, then why are we here?
[00:27:12] Beth Jessop: I think that for me, it's like effort, I just want to see your effort. I want to see you run fully out to the field and back into first base and run out. I mean, I just want to see that effort. And when that effort isn't there, then yeah, that I think that's a conversation that you can have and then naturally leads to if the efforts not there, is it just because you don't care, is it because you don't really want to play, what is it? Are you just not putting in the effort that you need to match your goals? That kind of I think that that's a good discussion, versus just criticizing.
[00:27:55] Mike: And I think, one of the things I tried to do is put myself in their shoes, which is to say, like, what if it was just a bad day. Like, what if it was just like, hey, there's other stuff going on. I don't know about and you're having a crappy day, or you don't feel as good as maybe you wanted to or whatever, it's okay, if you have a bad day too. And I think that sometimes for them, it feels like it's not okay to have a bad day. It's not okay to not play well, it's not okay to go out there and get your butt kicked, because it's gonna happen. It's life. And I think a lot of times, they feel like, this was really terrible, when it was just a bad day. And that's important too, we're gonna have a lot of bad days, you gotta learn how to deal with them.
[00:28:38] Beth Jessop: That's part of the process. And that's part of this learning curve. And I think we've lost our focus on the importance of the learning curve, and that they're coming down this road, right. And it's going to be bumpy at points. But they have, but they have to be focused on something in the future that keeps them motivated to go down that road, there's nothing we can place in at the end in the future for them. That's ours, that to get them to come down that road, they have to. They're going to be there be has to be something that they're excited about.
[00:29:18] Mike: And I think that's absolutely right. Like if there’s not something bigger for them to shoot for, it's really going to be hard to maintain the motivation and the focus. But I think, and this is something I do with athletes all the time in terms of setting goals is to say, if you just set a goal, like for the future and outcome, and you don't have any process behind it, you're gonna get really discouraged when things aren't going that way. So you have a long term goal, but in the short term, what am I doing that I can control that is contributing to that long term goal that's going to increase my chances of success, not guarantee it but increase the chances am i doing those little things every day. And am I able to measure it so that I can say, Hey, I've done all these things for the last two or three months. And I've given myself a much better chance two years from now to get to where I want to go. And I think a lot of times goal setting is just like, hey, I'm gonna go to the major leagues. Okay, what will what are you going to do? Is that realistic? Who's going to hold me to account? If it's not working, what am I going to change? And that's a process that. I think a lot of people don't really understand, and it's not their fault. It's just, they're just not they're not aware of that side of it. I think it's just education.
[00:30:40] Beth Jessop: I was about to say, that's the thing is that, I don't think it's just they don't know, then when you do better. And so I just had a conversation with my daughter about this, because she has some pretty big goals for her dance. So she's a competitive dancer, and she has some pretty big goals. And we were she was saying, we were just talking about things. And I had to say to her, Okay, what did you do today about that goal for the future? So what was the activity today that contributed to that? And she's like, she didn't really have anything. So I'm hoping that it's making her think, okay, I have to drill down to what I'm doing today, for that goal for the bigger goal, like you were saying,
[00:31:29] Mike: So I think you and I think what you just described in that example, with your daughter is something that is really important for parents, which is to say, asking more questions, I get asked by a lot of my, the parents of my client, young clients, like, what should I do differently, which I have to say, the TV's parent's credit. And maybe it's just self-selection, because they're the ones who are hiring me. So like, they have a more open mind about the mental side of sport. But they will come to me and be like, hey, what can I do differently? Because this is what I'm seeing and I'm frustrated. And I always say, generally ask more questions, because that's the way I'm trained in my work, which is to say, it has to be, it's like, if it's not my idea, it's not a good one, you have to put the idea, let them think it through and really take ownership of it by asking the question versus like telling them, hey, you need to do this. You might get to the same answer, but it's not the same thing. What did you do today in service of that long term goal? Nothing. But don't be surprised if the consequence of that is not what you want it to be. So tomorrow, what are you going to do? Are you going to pick back up and do something dedicated to that long term goal, or you're going to do nothing? Again, it's okay, if you do nothing again. But don't be surprised when you don't get any closer to where you want to go. And I think that really resonates with kids, because then it puts it into their court. To say like, it's on me. That's my responsibility. And you're not criticizing them for not doing it. You're just saying, hey, if you want this, you got to do this. And if you don't do that, that's okay. But if you don't do that, you're not going to get what you want. So five years from now, don't come back to me saying, you’re surprised that you didn't make it. Because I remember five years ago, when you said you did nothing today.
[00:33:19] Beth Jessop: Exactly, that's so true. That's you're spot on with that?
[00:33:25] Mike: Is there anything you've heard from a parent or family specifically in sort of building sports moms, now sports parents united, that's really sort of like hit you hard, are really influenced you?
[00:33:39] Beth Jessop: Oh wow, and this is more recent. I think one of the things that just hit me recently was, I've just seen more and more in sports parents, Facebook groups and different groups. Just this level of frustration about behaviors, in sports, and I'm talking kids on the field, and also adults, and also like how adults interact with the referees and the umpires and just this heightened level of disrespect. And for some reason, I really believe that sports would rise to the occasion and not in would influence culture and not be influenced by culture. But I don't know that that's happening. And that has just really like saddened me recently, also gives me hope that we're having conversations like this and that other parents are starting to see that and understand that there has to be a change, otherwise we will continue down this path, and it has to start. I mean, it's not going to start with the kids. It's going to start with the adults, with the parents, with the coaches. And so that was just something that just really kind of hit me hard. I really did kind of feel like, okay, sports is going to be this place, because I always felt that way. Like that's a place where the culture wouldn't influence we would influence the culture versus the other way around. And I don't know if that's answered your question that you asked. But I think that's also why sports parents united exists.
[00:35:34] Mike: And I think it's on point, that's what I observed as well. And I think there's a lot of reasons why that level of disrespect, or that level of animosity kind of takes place on youth sports fields. I think there's a lot of reasons why that is, but it doesn't, it doesn't make it right. And I think, a lot of this is just the human condition. There are some people, and I'll call myself included in this, even as somebody who's passionate about it, I don't like conflict, I don't want to be that guy who acts like a jerk. And even if I feel like I'm right in doing so I try to keep it to myself. Because I don't want to escalate something in front of these kids, which I did recently. But it was I felt like it was just one of those things that had to come out. And then I regret the way I did it. Like what you say, and how you say it, and how you do it is different than the message right. And that's part of it. And we're human, we're emotional. But I think what I see from a lot of parents is that they just, they almost think that they're wrong or, they're the ones that are sort of being quiet is like, I don't know, like they don't care, almost like they don't care. And they feel like the parents are more vocal, like they take a backseat to them, because they don't want to, like get caught up in it or start a conflict or whatever. So they just sort of watch it. But then you hear people kind of behind the scenes talking like, Oh, do you see that? And why are these people yelling? And this is crazy. And I even hear from the kids sometimes, like the parents on the sidelines are driving me crazy. Like they don't stop talking and screaming about stuff they don't know don't know anything about. And it's just like this, like a very much he said, she said culture rather than like just kind of like having a direct conversation about, hey, this needs to change because it's not cool. Because I think if you ask the kids directly, they're gonna tell you the truth. Like, I don't absolutely when parents yell at me. I don't they don't know what they're talking about. I wish they would just be quiet. And like, they're making me uncomfortable. It's putting me under pressure. Like, I mean, parents, sometimes I don't think they see themselves either, they just sort of think they're doing the right thing.
[00:37:42] Beth Jessop: And that's my hope that that parents will just take a step back and take a moment and just look in the mirror and be honest and say, and I've had to do it. I mean, I get passionate, and I've had to step back and say, Okay, are you part of the problem here? Because if I'm part of the problem, then I need to make a change. And my hope is that parents will just step back and just humble themselves to take a minute and, and see if they are contributing to the problem. And if they are sports pair tonight, it is here to help like you, we can get you focused on things that will take you away from all that drama, you'll be focused on positive things, like things that really matter, things that you can do in the long term, like just love. Like are the motto love first sport? Second, what does that mean? I mean, that's going to mean something different to every parent that's coming to that to that, but I hope that it means that in the long term, you will see yourself in this process, and you will see what am I contributing to the process that is it good? Is it bad? Is that I can do differently? Where am I in this process of my parenting out of fear or parenting? Because well, I think a lot of the things that is just a lot of the things that happen are underlying fears for parents, fear of missing out fear of all these fears. Can we look at those and be honest about them. And when we do we can make changes is within our ability to do that. Just like our athletes, we're asking our athletes to do the same thing. Look at the process. We're in the process are you can you make tweaks here and there? We can do that as parents too. But we have to get real and look at ourselves and saying and my hope is that sports parents will do that, they will really do that.
[00:39:56] Mike: Yeah. I love that like that question. Like, am I part of the problem, or the flip side of that is, am I part of the solution? And if I can't ask myself, am I part of the solution, then I'm part of the problem. So if I'm part of the problem, the next question is, and you said it is what can I do differently to contribute more positively to the environment so that everyone is better? And I think a lot of this comes down to time horizons. If we're thinking about the long term horizon of like, life after sports, like just being good people and being productive member society being active in adulthood, like, then the choices become much clearer when the when the choices that we're making are predicated on the next three to five years of young athletes life, because we're trying to achieve some sort of outcome goal, because I want my kid to go here, or my kid wants to go here and do this and make money and all these things, then we sort of lose sight of what's important, what's right. And we sort of put our principles to the side, or we, we just do for the sake of an outcome, and all the stuff that's really important, is an important now because I've got to put everything into getting a result and it's like money. We go to work every day, sometimes I did this for years, like, always want to make more money or make more money or make more money. And you will do anything to continue to make more money, but when is it ever enough and like, what kind of person am I becoming? Now that I'm working 12 to 14 hour days, and I'm running all over the place. And everything is like secondary to work. It's just one example but it's the same thing. We just sort of our judgment becomes clouded. And as parents, if we're thinking about our kids, as people, and their long term well-being, the answers become much clearer very quickly.
[00:41:57] Beth Jessop: Yes, I think that's true. And again, it's our job as the parent to stop and assess that. Like, I love what you said, I think early on about you have values that you're that drive your family that drive you are you setting those aside when sports get involved, because I think that's what we do. Sometimes we set aside these values that we've set up in our families and for ourselves. And then somehow those get cloudy because of just getting sucked into this vortex of sports that necessarily doesn't necessarily produce the best product in the in the long term. And so as sports parents, we've got to see where we are in that process, and everybody's at different places. We've got you've got kids that are just starting out and you can you can step into the process and have it just be a really healthy and wonderful experience. Or, you've got kids that are sort of already in the process and maybe not headed in the right direction. So we got to reassess at that point. Okay, where are we? Can we can we step out of this? And how do we do that if we're not happy with where we're headed? But definitely time to assess ourselves, as step back and take a look at the big picture.
[00:43:29] Mike: Yeah, look at the big picture. I think that's right. So I guess as an organization, obviously, you've rebranded you're kind of just still figuring things out, but the mission is really clear. But if you had to look into the future, you had a crystal ball. Like, what's the goal? It doesn't necessarily have to be a number or metric, but what's the ultimate goal for sports parents united?
[00:43:53] Beth Jessop: Oh wow, that's a good one. The ultimate goal is for sports parents united to influence you sports in a positive direction. And that sounds really vague, but it's really specifically through the organization and focusing on these fundamentals and getting parents to look at the big picture and to really love first love first sports second. I think my hope is that it would be a positive influence in in youth sports, and really parents who are thinking already thinking along these lines would come to sports parents united and find a community of other sports parents who feel that same way.
[00:44:54] Mike: Yeah, I think simple is better. And I think if you think of Love first sports second, you can easily make decisions on a day to day basis. If you have that in the front of your mind, every decision is going to be a good one. And you're going to have a positive influence, whatever that ends up meeting doesn't matter as much as the mission. And I think that's the way I look at my work, which is to say, Hey, I'm here to help young people, just be better people and be better athletes. And if I'm making decisions that serve that purpose, that mission, then I'm good. And whatever happens happens. And I think it's sometimes we're so caught up in goals and metrics and measurable, and outcomes like we do in sports about wins and losses and numbers and things. And it's not just hey, why am I doing this? If I live my purpose, then it kinda is probably going to work out.
[00:45:47] Beth Jessop: I would love to see more kids playing longer and loving and having a passion. I would love to see more passion in youth sports and not passion. I mean, well directed passion.
[00:46:04] Mike: Passion for the experience, not passion for the result. So the last question I'll ask and I asked this to everybody, and it means something different, I guess, to everybody. But like, in your case, if you had to give one piece of advice to a sports parent, what would it be?
[00:46:23] Beth Jessop: Well, it would be love first, sports second, it really would, and it would. And that's going to mean something different to every, like I'm not defining that for you. But I'm saying that if you come to the if you come to your journey with your athlete, loving first, sports second, the other thing is fundamentals first, success second, like if you stay focused on the fundamentals, success is going to come. So just those things in there simple, and I did this too. I think I complicated things for a long time. And then it just felt like we got to get back to this simple messages.
[00:47:09] Mike: I think that's a really critical thing to understand. And it's something I talk to young people about all the time, is like, sometimes it's not throwing more things at a problem. It's actually taking things out of the equation. So you could focus on what's most important, keeping it simpler, right? What do you do well, and do more of it? And what are you not doing that's not serving, you take it out versus let's pile on a bunch of stuff that's not working. And I think when you when you ask somebody a question, or you give them something very simple to digest, then it's on them to interpret it the way they want to, and then they can go do it in that in their own way, they have that autonomy. And it's sort of the same thing with athletes. If you give them the rope to go figure out things on their own, they're probably going to figure it out and do it. Well. If we try to control them and tell them what to do, it's and parents do it right. If I tell a parent you're wrong, like the way you're doing this for your kid is the wrong way. They are not going to be happy, because it's true. It's their kid not mine. And so with that, can you just quickly tell everybody where we can find you?
[00:48:16] Beth Jessop: Yes, sportsparentsunited.com. Right now is the only place that you can find me.
[00:48:24] Mike: So a good place to go. I'm there right now. I'm looking right out. So check it out. You can learn more about the organization how you can get involved. Beth, thank you so much for coming on to the podcast. It's been a long time coming. We've had to know
[00:48:36] Beth Jessop: I know, thank you for all you scheduling this. It's just been an honor. Thank you so much. Thank you for the work that you're doing.
[00:48:45] Mike: I appreciated.
[00:48:46] Beth Jessop: It's important. So keep taking steps. That's what I keep telling my kids too.
[00:48:50] Mike: So like you do every day. Again, thank you so much for the work that you do. And it was great to have you on and I'll talk to you soon.
[00:48:57] Beth Jessop: Alright, thank you.