How is Skye Eddy making the youth sports sideline a better place?
Anyone who has ever attended a youth sports game knows that the sideline can be a pretty intense place. Emotions often run high as parents, coaches, and young athletes strive for results and recognition. However, player development and a healthy motivational climate are often sacrificed as a result.
My guest in this episode, Skye Eddy, is the founder of the Soccer Parenting Association. Skye is a former professional soccer player, collegiate All-American goalkeeper, licensed coach, and most importantly, a soccer parent. Over the past eight years, her mission has been inspiring young athletes by empowering parents.
In Episode 52, Skye shares her aim of making youth sports sidelines healthier by arming parents with information that allows them to be their best.
So, what’s your biggest takeaway from my conversation with Skye Eddy?
My biggest takeaway is that establishing clear boundaries is critical in order for healthy youth sport relationships to exist. Youth sport athletes are most likely to reach their potential if adults clearly understand their proper role in the athlete’s development process.
My suggestion to parents is seek out education in order to perform at your best as a sports parent. It may be cliche, but knowledge is indeed power.
I want to thank Skye for her kind generosity and the wisdom she shared with The Freshman Foundation Community.
You can learn more about Skye and the Soccer Parenting Association by visiting their website at https://soccerparenting.com and on social media @SoccerParenting.
To learn HOW mental performance coaching can help your mind work FOR you rather than AGAINST you, visit https://michaelvhuber.com.
Thank you for listening. We’ll see you back soon for Episode 53!
00:00.00
mvhuber
High sky. How are you.
00:01.10
Skye
Good. Thanks for having me I'm looking forward to our conversation.
00:06.78
mvhuber
Me too is ah it's my pleasure to have you here. It's great. Um, so I guess to get started. You know, knowing that you have a background as a player and as a coach I guess I'm curious about what inspired you to become an advocate for soccer parents.
00:23.16
Skye
Oh Gosh That's ah, that's a big question. Um I would say really my experiences as a soccer parent I felt like and I assumed that after my playing background and you know I was still an active coach that point at still working in the youth game I felt like. Being a soccer parent would be so easy for me and it really wasn't and so when I realized the challenges and saw the challenges and felt them firsthand. Um I Knew that other parents were feeling and going through these same experiences as I was I.
00:55.71
mvhuber
Yeah, we are because I am as like you like you? um I am I'm a so I am a soccer parent and I I definitely see um I feel those challenges you know as somebody who's in the youth sport field and watching.
00:58.65
Skye
And we still are.
01:11.35
mvhuber
Ah, sometimes from Afar. It's very it can be very um, frustrating and very sort of you know, hope feeling very like hopeless and sometimes sometimes and so it's great to have voices out there speaking up I Mean. Were there any experiences specifically that inspired you or is it just sort of the amalgam of everything you've sort of witnessed as as from the sidelines.
01:35.32
Skye
Yeah, a couple things stand out. Um one is when my daughter was playing ah gosh was probably like you 8 you nine it was the Adp program at her club the richmond strikers where. Really proud to still be on the board there. It was an active coach there up until a year ago um but as my daughter was coming up in the Adp program which is like the first paid coaching environment. She had introduction to travel soccer and ah she really wasn't enjoying it. So she'd get in the car for a few times you know for weeks you know it was repeated behavior after training that I wasn't fun. Don't want to go back. It was hard to get her to go to training and um and so I decided to go observe a session and. It wasn't any good. It was like ah no wonder she's bored. Ah, you know it wasn't conducive to what we know to be true about youth development and what the best environment is for learning and inspiration and passion for these kids. And so then I started the next game I started asking some questions of some friends like not causing any drama not being crazy about it just like hey how have you? How are you with this experience and Michael every parent was totally satisfied.
03:00.60
Skye
And when I realized that every parent was totally satisfied with such a sub par learning environment I realized that we are never going to reach our potential as a footballing soccer nation until parents understand what good quality training and learning environment looks like so that was one of them. I will say that the work that I'm doing is absolutely not parent versus club versus coach. There's none of that. It's all very collaborative and trust filled in nature. Um, but ah, you know a big part of our work. My work is is education and parent education about things like. The body the mind the game the next level the coach club relationship like we're educating about things that parents have never been empowered to learn about and then the second thing that stands out for me. Um, is is just the struggles that I was personally finding myself having. With my daughter who was in a performance mentality. Ah performance environment and that you know my son has always been participation recreational level but my daughter so super athletic, really gifted and um I was really struggling parenting her. And I I know that I wasn't doing things right? we were having moments where she was getting upset and frustrated I cared way too much I was upset and you know I think it's really hard when you parent a child that isn't like you so she was.
04:32.40
Skye
Gifted athletically maybe similar to me but her mentality was not like mine. She did not have a growth mindset. She did not have confidence. She did not you know and so I I really struggled in how to help her. So I think those 2 things combined really morphed into. And were the catalysts for the foundation and still today remained the foundation for the work that we're doing at soccer parenting and the influence we're having in the space.
04:59.00
mvhuber
Yeah that's I mean there's so much in there that I'm interested in. Um I could say from my own perspective as somebody who's in the sports psychology field I definitely think there's a gap in terms of education about what motivates young people to participate and how we. Ah, speak to them and how we coach them and teach them to the point that we continue to keep them motivated but but I I guess I'm curious as sort of a a novice soccer person still to this day even though I've been watching soccer for the last 7 to 8 to 9 years with my kids. You so dears is your sense or is your experience that soccer coaching at the youth level like at that sort of younger level. It's it's entirely too tactical and technical as opposed to being sort of personality or motivational oriented.
05:49.76
Skye
Yeah I don't know that the issues that we are necessarily facing and use soccer have to do specifically with you soccer I think that these are issues that generally span across all sport and the early interactions that our children have with play that our children have with sport and.
05:50.50
mvhuber
Is that sort of what you see.
06:09.17
Skye
You know we've seen a really shift in our society with everything is so structured I mean there's there's lots of issues to to to say there. But um, what I would say specifically from her environment is. Yes, I mean at soccer parenting we work with coaches a lot about holistic development of meeting the needs of the players in front of you of practice design that that facilitates a sense of autonomy. Um, you know all of these things are really important to the work that we're doing from a coach education standpoint um yet. I Think that largely speaking it's not too tactical or too focused on technique or to anything I think instead Maybe what we can say is the individual player isn't being considered enough. So. You know some players will like it to be really technical in nature and they all have a personality and are be gifted athletically where that suits them and others won't and we'll lose them then so I think bigger picture is are we meeting the holistic individual needs of the player in front of us and that's. A lot to ask for a volunteer coach and a coach that doesn't have any education or qualifications or background. Um, and it's also a lot to be asked of a paid coach who has another full time job and maybe has their D coaching license or played in college like.
07:32.15
Skye
Like that's a lot to ask of everybody but I do think that as parents grow in their understanding of what this good environment. Looks like that that will be an influencer in this space to encourage clubs to provide better education to coaches to encourage coaches to dive in more and for all of us. Across all sport to take a moment and say you know what's really important here and what is important in terms of the result of the game. The development of the child a sense of passionate inspiration being healthy like. Let's let's reframe why our children are playing playing sports at these younger ages.
08:10.79
mvhuber
Yeah I think and it's It's such a big. It's such a big problem to solve for that I think it's easy sometimes to throw your hands up and say this is too hard almost you know like how do we? How do we do it and I think doing it at the grassroots level. Really.
08:22.00
Skye
Yeah.
08:30.65
mvhuber
Is the way to go in the sense that rather than trying to sort of throw this umbrella over the macro right? It's really actually trying to educate people at the grassroots level so that you start to see sort of the change from the inside out because you know that's not going to happen overnight I mean.
08:35.87
Skye
Yeah.
08:46.74
mvhuber
You've been doing this for a long time and what changes have you seen over time in that space of like hey like I'm starting to see some of the things that we've seated now starting to take hold.
08:53.34
Skye
But yeah I mean when we involve parents and what we know to be true from what all the research says about effective parent engagement programs is that. When um, schools effectively engage parents in the work that they're doing in the school setting that player the the ah students will be more motivated. They'll score better in test scores. They'll stay longer in school and not drop out of school. They'll have better attendance rates school. Those students will be more motivated. The parents will be Satisfied. Teachers will be satisfied. Parents will be Empathetic. So That's what all the research says so as as clubs are layering in and as coaches are thinking about what a very simple to. Institute parent engagement program and my team or my club looks like with appropriate boundaries like once we're starting to see clubs and coaches implement these into their work. Ah, then we're starting to see those benefits Absolutely happen I will say that. Over the course of the span of these 8 or or you know years or so that I've been operating with soccer parenting um one when I started everyone thought I was crazy coaches. All of my colleagues and coaches were like you want to take on the parents like let me buy you a drink like.
10:11.31
mvhuber
10
10:19.72
Skye
Like the response that I had from coaches was a deeply visceral response to parents that we know parents have you know, been perceived that way and then slowly over time that objectionable response from coaches shifted to tell me. What you're doing and now show me how to do this or I want to join you so we've seen culturally across sport there be this wonderful shift from parents being perceived to all be crazy to now us being able to understand in 1 of our belief statements at soccer parenting is that we believe that. Parents will be difference makers when it comes to improving the game. There's also this sense of collaboration that's evolved and I will say that probably the biggest the biggest touchstone for change that I have seen in these 8 years is thankfully that we have better leadership in place. So ah, you know we have let's say maybe professionalizing you sports has not been the great thing for the kids and the structures that the kids are now involved in but at the same time it has given us good quality leaders and you know that's the thing that makes me the most optimistic now about the work that we're doing. Is the quality of leadership that we're seeing in our youth game.
11:35.44
mvhuber
Interesting. Yeah I think something you just touched on there was something I was thinking about asking which is sort of you know at a very like fundamental basic maybe overly simplistic level. There is this sort of dynamic that I see and you know just in my own life. Forget about in my work of.
11:47.76
Skye
It it.
11:55.55
mvhuber
Coaches versus the parents right? meaning like I'm the coach I'm volunteering my time or I'm getting paid I Know better. You're the parent you sit, you be quiet, the parents are saying those are my kids and there's this sort of versus us versus them dynamic. But then.
11:58.85
Skye
Um, and absolutely.
12:14.73
mvhuber
My work as I think of my mission as a sports psychology professional is to to serve the children right to serve the family but to serve the child First. So if we all have that shared mission of like hey we're doing this for the best interests of the children and we put them on a pedestal. All of a sudden that opens up theoretically the room for the dialogue of that you describe coaches talking to parents parents talking to coaches Hey, What can we do together to make this better for everybody right? They're developing as players they're developing as people they're Happy. They're staying together as a group.
12:44.35
Skye
Yeah, yeah.
12:51.42
mvhuber
We want to see our kids stay together over time with their groups and that doesn't always happen and I'm going through that as a parent now. It's like you know they start to get older. There's divergent motivations and divergent sort of opinions on what should happen like if we're working together though like that's.
12:59.84
Skye
And that function. So.
13:06.69
mvhuber
Ultimately We're're going to get the best outcomes and it sounds like you're starting to see that from your end.
13:11.98
Skye
Yeah, um I won't say I'd say a structural issue we have is you know this divergence of kids that go in different directions. It's understandable like you insinuated you know kids have different motivations or different sense of athleticism that evolves. Ah, you know after puberty and they decide to go more of a high performance pathway. Maybe but that backtracking to the real point there is that um the the perception of the parent is.
13:35.84
mvhuber
Um, and.
13:41.70
Skye
So foundational to the work that we're doing and you know at soccer parenting we define parent engagement as coaches and parents working together to ensure that players are inspired. And so you know we are are speaking and when I'm out and doing coach Education Club Education parent education a lot of the the education I I foster is is this concept of trust and I'm actually teaching about trust and how to establish. Trust. In the coach parent relationship. It's ah it's a relationship that has been very ill defined and we don't have clarity on what the real relationship should look like what what an effective parent coach relationship should look like coaches have not received any education or enough education on. Ah, the value of parents and how specifically to include them. Ah and I mentioned the word boundaries before I mean it's a very confusing relationship for parents and for coaches you know coaches don't want to engage with parents for fear of. You know parents they maybe they've been burned by a crazy parent in the past and I feel like these crazy parents as the way I refer to them. It might not be the most you know, socially aware term to use but you know.
15:04.51
Skye
Really It's the crazy parents that have ruined it for all of us level headed and sometimes stress parents which is the vast majority like well into the 90% parents or levelheaded parents. They baby. Don't know the education or information they need but with it. They will be fine and yes, we're sometimes stressed. It's the way I would describe myself as a sports parent. And we live as those parents in fear of being portrayed as a crazy parent and so we think I'm not going to be too involved to be that helicopter parent. So I'm not going to ask this very legitimate question that I have or I'm not going to seek more education because I don't want to seem like I care too much. So. These crazy parents have even hurt us for this level headed ones and then you know sadly you know the coaches have been burned I had a very challenging parent on my team a few years ago it made my life really really hard. It made my year coaching these kids really really stressful despite even all the work that I'm doing right now. And and so coaches that have have unfortunately had that experience which does happen now and then you know they've really just sort of been pushed off and and you know what needs to happen is that coaches need more training and guidance on you know things like emotional intelligence. And you know those types of things in order to really be able to manage those relationships. It's ah it's a challenging nuanced relationship that we have an established clarity on and that desperately needs very clear boundaries.
16:28.69
mvhuber
Yes, and I've been on both sides of it as a parent and I've coached quite a bit you know as a volunteer and and I think when I when I was listening to you talk I think it's the content of what parents bring to coaches.
16:34.46
Skye
Is it.
16:47.80
mvhuber
Has to be extremely relevant. What I mean by that is if a parent's coming to a coach about a result or a playing time or an outcome right? as a coach you don't really want to hear that now if a parent comes to me and says hey I have you know I have some insight. About the way my child ticks and I want you to know that so you can coach them better. That's a totally different conversation than why aren't you playing Johnny or mary it's like no this is like how they're reacting. You should know this and then I'm giving you the freedom to then take that information.
17:16.47
Skye
And.
17:25.22
mvhuber
And try to do something constructive with it right? Those are 2 totally different things and I think as parents we have to understand how to engage in those conversations so that we're helping and but we're not confronting or threatening a coach who says like I don't need this crap right.
17:26.80
Skye
So death scatter.
17:38.42
Skye
Yeah, yeah, and and then I mean so I mean that that's you know speaks perfectly to the sense of nuance so at soccer parenting when we talk about boundaries we say literally it is okay to talk to the coach about this and it's not okay to talk to the coach about this and we encourage coaches. To even use that type of language be very clear with the parents. We know that having boundaries actually helps establish. Trust it helps form a sense of community. We want boundaries in our lives our children want boundaries like we know that about about being human. Like boundaries are bumpers and it gives us clarity on our role. So let's be very clear in setting the boundaries and we tell coaches to tell parents like it's not okay to come and talk to me about a tactical decision that I made in the game if you have a question like a negative. Line of question now if you're curious on why we had 2 people in the wall and instead of 4 like yeah, we'll have a tactical conversation about you know where the wall is if it's direct versus indirect. You know the angle the distance from goal. The quality of the height of the players on the wall I mean there's lots. We can talk about tactically that might inform a parent but if it's like why did you only have 2 people in the wall versus four like they scored a goal. It's all you know, then there's difference there so you can't talk to the coach about a tactical decision that they make you cannot talk to a coach about any substitution playing time issues.
19:07.52
Skye
You cannot talk to a coach about another player on the team unless it's a issue with bullying that needs to be addressed and there's a player care safety issue that needs to be addressed, but but saying why did you start Johnny he missed training on Tuesday my son was there. Not okay to bring up because we don't understand anything that's going on in the nuance of that relationship. So it's it's not okay to talk about tactical decisions. It's not okay to talk about playing time substitution now. It is absolutely okay to talk to a coach if you have a curious question about tactics in basketball.
19:37.42
mvhuber
That.
19:41.59
Skye
You know why when I was playing basketball growing Up. We All did man to man now I see you're doing Zone. What's the Difference. You know that's a great question to ask a coach. Um, you know if you have ah it's okay to talk to a coach if if your child is lacking an inspiration. If Repeatedly they're struggling then absolutely the door should be open and possibly that's because of playing time and it's okay to talk to coaches about playing time if you frame that conversation correctly and maybe your child is old enough to be a part of the conversation. Maybe you don't want them there. But. I Will just backtrack for one moment and say so many of our issues in youth Sports would be solved if we had more level headed considerations about playing time standards for our children across all sport and at soccer Parenting. We believe that every child should play half of every game. It should be minimum standard. Um, and the teams that I coach every child plays equal I I seek that for my my kids they are 10 year old kids playing soccer This is this is this needs to be about development and to make an early selection bias decision about these kids is not okay. So. I Mean these are bigger conversations. But um, you know when we're talking about setting boundaries and talking about playing time issues. Absolutely the door should be open.
21:06.25
mvhuber
Yeah, and I think something that you raised there sort of reminds me of something I went through recently with my daughter who's 12 and and I I think I would say just generally before you go to the coach you could talk to the to your player. Your kid about why certain decisions are being Made. So The reason why I say that is is my my daughter was playing in a game with a new team and tactically they were They were actually setting up to run some sort of offsides trap which I did not know now up until that point she's been coached. Goal Stay Goal side Gay Stay goal side get stay goal Side. So I of course chime in from the sideline mistakenly hey you need to stay goalside and my daughter scolded me and said hey I have a coach keep it zip your lab dad because I you don't know what I'm talking about So What I learned after the fact was.
21:49.95
Skye
Yeah.
22:02.25
mvhuber
They were putting the coaches putting them in that position to set up this offsides trap which I didn't know so instead of scolding her from the sideline I could have asked her after the game like why were you doing that and she put me in my place and I think go ahead.
22:13.50
Skye
Yeah, what a great learning moment for you and.
22:20.49
mvhuber
Ah, huge and I've been telling it the story I've been telling the story on my podcast and I I take full responsibility because I should know better because I'm not a sideline talker but in that moment I got caught up in the emotion of like you're not doing what you've been taught to do But what I wasn't able to do is on.
22:35.25
Skye
And.
22:39.35
mvhuber
I wasn't able to put myself in her shoes to say like maybe she's being taught something else by the coach and that kind of speaks to your point about zone versus man and man and basketball in general like there's no 1 right? or wrong way to do things. Every coach has a different philosophy and if they play zone or man or if they have an all sides trap or they don't. Does it really matter in in the grand scheme of things.
22:59.29
Skye
Yeah, right? Um I mean Michael the bigger question is is like even if your daughter was not goal side and they ended up scoring from her not being in a goal side position. Is it really a role to speak up from the sideline to coach her like.
23:07.40
mvhuber
So what.
23:16.39
Skye
You're taking away her learning moment there if if if they scored and she's not in the right position and then she's willing to reflect on that later. That's the learning and for us to take away these situations ah from our children. You know.
23:25.62
mvhuber
Right.
23:33.69
Skye
Is is unfortunate like I personally don't think and I am not saying I have never not done that I mean I will tell you I mean there's so many times at that. My daughter will listening now or she'd be like Mom I've heard you talk to me before from the sideline and.
23:42.64
mvhuber
Um.
23:49.76
Skye
Yeah, I'm not saying that I haven't but I just think as parents we need to ask ourselves is is there even a place for it at all.
23:58.80
mvhuber
Ah, one one of the things I'm ah I'm a huge advocate for in my work as well as in my own personal relationship with my children is is to apologize or to take responsibility when I'm wrong.
24:10.44
Skye
You know.
24:12.40
mvhuber
And I think that is something that's definitely lacking from the parent side of I'm the parent you're the child and like even if I'm wrong about something like I don't take responsibility for it to the point where the kid is like okay at least my mom or dad understands that they were wrong.
24:28.39
Skye
Yeah, but.
24:30.50
mvhuber
I think that that goes a long way to sort of I don't say poising that's too strong a word but it definitely taints the relationship the sport, the parent ah athlete relationship and you sport because it's like then it becomes totally conditional. It's not a 2 way relationship.
24:45.40
Skye
Yeah, you're reminding me of um I used to I never coached Callie my daughter at the club level like I never actually coached her team. There were times where I was out there working with the goalkeepers or with a defense like. And it might have been involved in a recession but I was never the coach of recession. But for many years I coached on the field next to her so it worked out that I I coached at the club and I worked out my coaching times to be the same time as our practice times just for convenience sake for our family and so I was often on the pitch when she was there.
25:15.15
mvhuber
Um.
25:17.63
Skye
And I'd find myself sort of listening or watching or observing and the conversations that I would have with her afterwards were things specifically about her practice that I was leading I was saying so when you guys did this this and this what did the coach say or you know. But then I stopped coaching at those same times and it was so cool to have her come home sit down at the kitchen table and for me to just be genuinely curious and not be driving the conversation at all. So what did? you do how was that how did that feel what did what did what did you think did you learn that or you know or or you know even not always like high reflection learning conversations just like you know, tell me about the water break. Whatever it was um and so. I think that that's a gift that we can give our children and by being a little bit too involved. Um that that to me. Ah, the reason I think I thought to say this story is because I felt like the first few times I had those beautiful interactions with Cali being genuinely curious. And hearing truly about her practice from her point of view I felt like apologizing to her because I'm like oh my gosh I've done this wrong for so um, but like this is such a better way to to be spending time with you than trying to lead the conversation about what I observed of training or whatever. So.
26:35.52
mvhuber
Yeah.
26:43.65
mvhuber
Yeah I absolutely and I love that about you know the years my kids are 14 and 12 I love that they're moving into a phase of their sport life where they really are starting to take ownership of it.
26:45.10
Skye
Anyway, sideo. But.
26:58.94
Skye
Look.
27:00.51
mvhuber
And that we can have conversations 2 wo-way conversations about like hey tell me about what you're learning and when they come home and tell me about oh we did this or we learned that or and it's like they're absorbing it and they're they're they're really taking it on for themselves for the first time in their lives and it's really cool to watch and now they're smarter than me.
27:13.16
Skye
And yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:20.12
mvhuber
Like I'm learning from them and I think that that's really important because I do see the opposite side of that as a parent sitting on the sidelines like the parents who are still coaching from the sidelines and. My kids know it. It's not me and my ex-wife but other parents and my kids notice it and they'll make comments about it like so-and-so so's mom never shuts up or Soandso's dad's always yelling like why are they doing that or it's really distracting like that still happens a lot.
27:42.50
Skye
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:50.00
mvhuber
And I understand why it happens because it's so emotional for parents I get that but it's not productive right? So like what sorts of things go ahead.
27:55.68
Skye
Yeah, and we we can understand that it happens because of this but that doesn't make it okay like I I think that at the end of the day.
28:04.68
mvhuber
And.
28:09.33
Skye
The the work that we need to do when we're talking with parents and when we're educating and engaging with parents is about that exactly like why do we care so much. Why is it so emotional. Let's unpack that let's spend some time and reflect on that.
28:14.12
mvhuber
Um.
28:19.86
mvhuber
And.
28:27.49
mvhuber
Um, yeah.
28:28.72
Skye
Maybe you should journal at your next game at your child's next game and try to understand like why the emotion is so deep. Um, and maybe that will will help and and we said from the beginning like this is a multifaceted problem that we have like. Parents need to understand this coaches have a lot of work to do on totally different subjects as well and clubs and leaders at clubs in terms of the environment that are putting out like we all This is this is a this is a culture changing work and so we all need to evaluate our knowledge our beliefs our values. Our behaviors.
29:07.63
mvhuber
Um, yeah.
29:08.70
Skye
Individually and then as a group and then as coaches and as parents and as club leaders and then we'll start to see some culture changing work. But I'm always fascinated I mean of course I feel things really deeply for my kids and I get it. But. Once I was able to realize okay I am feeling a lot of emotion right now and I need to frame this differently because I'm caring too much about the result right now I can still feel this emotion but let me frame it as joy or let me frame it as um. As excitement or let me frame it as oh my gosh I'm living vicariously through my child right now I need to stop doing this like let me just be real and honest I said that on a podcast or on a radio show a while ago until we start being very. Um, honest about the interactions that we have with our children. Good and Bad. We're going to be missing a really important part of the solution.
30:00.76
mvhuber
Yeah, and that's something you know the the more the more I work with young people in my practice the more I realize there's room for me to probably work with parents on some of those skills right? the.
30:14.67
Skye
8
30:16.76
mvhuber
Breathing right? It's like you're you're as a parent we're performers right? We have a very high level of responsibility for other people and we're performing and we have to be at our best right? If We're not relaxed and mindful and conscious of what we're Doing. We're going to perform poorly right? which means screaming from the sideline yelling getting upset right? like you know journaling from the sidelines. A great idea right? like I'm having these thoughts in my head and and I'm saying these things like oh I'm going to write this down. Why am I doing it.
30:34.99
Skye
And.
30:48.16
mvhuber
Like becoming more aware of our our behaviors so that we can change our behaviors so that we can be better going forward and I think that that's something that really gets lost.
30:48.57
Skye
Um, yeah.
30:56.93
Skye
Yeah, yeah, no absolutely and also because you know this is all about we want our children to feel inspireded and if we're feeling stress our our kids feel that our kids feel that we as just I mean ah my daughter still talk I mean I am so.
31:04.86
mvhuber
Yes, they do.
31:11.99
Skye
Barras to say but there was a time I literally walked out of her game I got in my car and I drove away when she was at that age that I was really struggling like 8 or 9 and she remembers it and.
31:27.50
mvhuber
Yeah.
31:30.00
Skye
It's like 1 of my worst parenting moments. But that's how much I care and that's how frustrated I was it was because of her performance I felt like she was underperforming on the field. But of course she was underperforming on the field because how much did I care. Like it was a big cycle that we had to work our way through and that's really why I founded soccer parenting because I'm like this is this is way too much and I I needed help I literally it was an intervention for me in many ways and I'm so proud to say you know Callie just.
31:59.54
mvhuber
Um, right.
32:05.70
Skye
Graduating from college She was just named an all American college like like mission accomplished you know, like like she loves the game so deeply and I'm just so grateful for the work that I've done in soccer parenting the friendships. The people that I've met the experts that I've interviewed.
32:09.20
mvhuber
It's amazing congratulations to her.
32:24.50
Skye
And the learning that's happened and I just hope that I can continue to influence and impact other parents who are feeling these same deep ah emotions that that I was feeling.
32:35.70
mvhuber
So So tell me tell me about that I mean it sounds like you're quite a ways along in terms of the development of what you offer and what you're bringing ah to light So like how are you building Awareness amongst the clubs amongst you know the schools the families. Like talk about that like how do you get engaged people in the conversation. That's clearly you know that that those relationships are growing like how do you engage them.
33:04.50
Skye
Yeah, well I mean fortunately I have a really really strong network and sport. Yeah I've had some really great background. Ah, just in terms of of working with different clubs and having a good reputation.
33:06.92
mvhuber
E.
33:16.39
Skye
And the sport. So the foundation of our ah reach to parents is through clubs so there is this beautiful movement of clubs that that want to engage and provide education to parents and so at soccer parenting we've created an education platform for parents and it's the tool.
33:29.72
mvhuber
Um.
33:34.11
Skye
That we use to interact with parents. So. It's a tool that clubs provide their parents giving them some agency in the space. It's ah it's an parent engagement tool that we've created that clubs can share with their parents saying we value you where you are Important. We Want you to take the time and take these courses or be involved in these different interviews and listen and learn from this platform. So ah, you know, largely. Our work is clubs that are sharing the platform with the parents and that opens a door to. You know, getting to know and connecting with the parents that are in the club as they register for the membership site and then individual parents are joining um you know and and are able to gain access to everything that we have as well.
34:14.99
mvhuber
Yeah, ironically enough I just literally within the last couple days received an email from my children's club with a webinar about Perfectionism in female soccer.
34:27.69
Skye
Now I thought yeah.
34:32.10
mvhuber
Which I was like Wow that's really ironic in that we were recording this podcast just a couple days later but I think it's awesome, right? Because that's the world that I live in professionally and then to see that being exposed to the people around me that I know. That probably aren't going to listen to me even though I'm a professional in the space to see that they have access to these kinds of things knowing that perfectionism whether for boys or girls is such a prevalent issue all the way up to the college level based upon my own experiences working with athletes.
34:53.54
Skye
Um.
34:57.42
Skye
So yeah.
35:07.40
mvhuber
I Think it's a really important topic and I see it on my own daughter this really really? um, she's really hard on herself. She's starting to develop as a player and she loves soccer so much but when she does not get the result that she wants. She's really really hard on herself and as parents.
35:10.54
Skye
Good.
35:25.66
mvhuber
We have to understand how to help them with that right to be able to to keep those boundaries but also give them the resources and tools that they need to work through it on their own.
35:28.86
Skye
Yeah, yeah, and.
35:37.12
Skye
Yeah, no I mean I think a lot of kids are dropping out of sport because of this pressure that they are feeling and a lot of that is driven from parents and the parents.
35:47.70
mvhuber
Um, yeah them.
35:52.36
Skye
Responses to sport that the kids pick up on and then they feel like the results are so important but but they're they're they're not like a 28 year old professional athlete these are kids that are learning and growing and in middle of growth spurts and aren't even fully developed and are still trying to figure their bodies out and they've so much more to learn like. So you know we put you know to become 2 results oriented. You know that doesn't mean that we don't want our kids to have a very strong mentality and want to win. But you know the actual result needs to have some perspective and reflection learning and what a great opportunity for our kids to grow as human beings from from.
36:13.94
mvhuber
Yes, yes.
36:28.87
Skye
You know, layering that in and that webinar that you reference that we're doing is one of the few player education events that we do. We do 1 or 2 player education events a year. So this is a webinar for girls about perfectionism and I won't be leading it. They'll be an expert leading it female footballers and you know, ah, it's It's such an important topic a bigger issue of self-esteem and identity development for our children and kids and that goes obviously across girls and boys.
36:55.62
mvhuber
Yeah I think there's something in there that I I wanted to to sort of highlight because it's something that I've experienced relatively recently and when I was when I was coaching my kids at a younger level I was very much about. Fun and development and all these things and I deemphasized winning and what I realized was is that the kids themselves they wanted to win right? and so in some ways I was shortchanging them and I realized like if the kid wants to win. Then let them want to win right? and encourage that. But if if they want to win because it's making ah an adult happy that is a different ball of wax right? like I need to win because the adults think I need to win versus No I will I want to win right? because.
37:39.88
Skye
Yeah, yeah.
37:47.19
Skye
I Want I mean every could she want to win when they go I make it like it's not. It's not. It's not like the desire to when we want every child to start the game like desiring deeply to win and wanting to put in their best effort. Yeah.
37:49.98
mvhuber
And.
38:00.67
mvhuber
Yeah, yeah, they and and all but it is also the time frames right? like within that that 60 minute window or 70 minute window they want to win but when it's over they move on to the next thing whereas the parents might dwell on like why didn't you win or this is what you need to do next time or.
38:10.99
Skye
Yeah, yeah.
38:20.37
mvhuber
You know we need to win the next game because we're going to be in second place you know it's like we get a lot of I get a lot of that and I see that and I that really burns me because like why are we worried about the table. You know like you know.
38:25.30
Skye
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? we as parents make assumptions that our kids feel the same way about winning that we do and you're right? Our kids are in the moment like they get in the car and they've largely. Moved on ah and and yet we keep bringing them back thinking we're helping them thinking that you know, but but we're really not no absolutely.. It's so Great. You have these experiences as a parent that you can layer into the work that you're doing.
38:52.51
mvhuber
Yeah, ah.
38:59.52
Skye
You know, like and that you're able to reflect and learn and pull from these experiences to have just kind of a deeper perspective about you know what? what you know may possibly be going on in the minds of the parents. The kids you're working with and just you know, generally more structurally you know within our culture. So. And great.
39:19.21
mvhuber
Ah I I wasn't anticipating asking this question and I think we could kind of steer away from it if it's if it's too much but I am curious. There was a recently an article that I saw in the Washington post I don't know if you saw it about ecnl and some of the things that are happening in terms of. Male dominance in sort of the organization and I don't want to make it about that politically. But in terms of genders right? like males coaching females. Let's just sort of leave it at that right? like do you.
39:37.99
Skye
Join yeah.
39:48.19
Skye
Yeah.
39:53.49
mvhuber
Is there. Any Do you have a feeling or is there any sense from your end about like trying to bring more female coaches into the fold to make it more relatable for young female athletes and and I'm saying that from ah from a parent perspective more than anything like. I have my own personal experiences with like what do you have a view on that or is it something you want to touch.
40:12.51
Skye
Yeah I get a lot of questions from people being an active coach I'm a coach educator for you with soccer. You know I get a lot of questions from people like why aren't there more women in the game and this is a very complex issue.
40:26.65
mvhuber
Sure as.
40:28.69
Skye
This is not there. There is not a very clear solution to this Um, like one coaching use Sports is like not a great job like women are just smart in many ways and me like I don't want to do that like why would I want to like.
40:40.98
mvhuber
Um.
40:47.61
Skye
Be away so much at challenging times. Why would I want to have so many commitments on the weekends. Why would I want to have to you know I mean it's It's a emotional drain like it's a lot so just generally speaking the pool of people that are willing to do This is limited. And so that already will you know needs to be Addressed. Um, and yeah I mean if you want to talk about misogynism and sport and you want to talk about the horrific experiences that I had growing up in the game as an athlete and then you know as even as a coach I mean there's so many stories to say it is. You know, unfortunately where we've been I will say that we're starting to see improvements here. We're having conversations at higher levels in sport about gender equity about. Ah, positive work environments about you know, being more thoughtful in the language and the way that we interact with people in terms of professionally within coaching. So. Absolutely,, There's so many great things that are happening that I think that we're opening the door and breaking down those barriers but it is important to know that you know use Sports is largely dominated from an administrative standpoint by men that are making decisions for girls and.
42:08.32
Skye
All the more reason for parents to have a voice as far as I'm concerned you know if you think about like when the pta started and the schools at that point were not safe. There were so many issues they weren't regulated.
42:10.28
mvhuber
Now.
42:22.67
Skye
Um, and now look the pta has been foundational in supporting the growth and empowering schools to support players to support ah ah students and so you know in some like really small way I look at like parent engagement matters. Parents having a voice matters and so you know that is a big part of the work that I'm doing here. Um but getting more female coaches in the game is essential I will also say that one of the things and projects that we're going to be looking at at soccer parenting and with a sideline project which is our program that goes across all sport. Is looking at the culture of being a youth sports coach and how we can improve that because the coaches that I know are leaving the game at record numbers because it's such a hostile work environment in many ways and I don't mean hostile but people yelling at them. But. It's just you know it's not conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Unfortunately we've built it up to that and so now those are all issues that we need to address? absolutely.
43:24.00
mvhuber
Okay, can you talk a little bit more about the sideline project because I didn't realize that it was across all sports. But I think that certainly the issues that we see as soccer parents and in soccer apply across the board right? So can you talk a little bit more about what you're doing there.
43:39.86
Skye
Yeah, sure like the sideline project is a website the sidelineprojet dot com um on the site right now is a 15 minute course that parents can coaches can take it's an intervention for sideline behavior that's working. The sideline project we frame behavior around supportive distracting and hostile and we give parents tools to understand if their behavior is being supportive if it's being hostile. But most importantly, if it's being distracting and so once parents understand the difference between supportive behavior and distracting behavior. We really see a change in the sideline so over 60% of parents to take the course say their behavior improved over 40% of parents that take the course say their relationship with their child improved as a result of taking a 15 minute course so we're really really excited about the sideline project.
44:22.93
mvhuber
See here.
44:30.19
Skye
We've had around 10000 parents take it and right now those courts is available across all sport. The video is across all sport. We're building out the sideline project website into an education platform for you sports parents so more and more throughout the next year and moving forward will be layering in. Parent education for um, you know across all sports you know to try to support parents because we're just really seeing you know the incredible response. We've had to the education on the sideline project and so we'll be building that out.
45:01.24
mvhuber
I Think it's incredible. Um I think it's really really important and I think the concept that you've highlighted is awareness right? I think most times we don't realize what we're doing and when we sort of bring it to light having that awareness allows us to make choices that are much more much healthier right.
45:17.36
Skye
Absolutely.
45:18.44
mvhuber
And if we don't really understand the difference. We're going to just keep doing what we've been doing um I guess a question I always want to ask because a lot of what comes up on this podcast is about sort of development through different gates. You know as you move up the ranks. Athletically.
45:21.88
Skye
Yeah, yeah.
45:38.18
mvhuber
So Like can you talk about like and maybe from your own perspective as an athlete Maybe as your your perspective as a parent like what are some of the issues you've seen as athletes go from that like youth sort of you know Developmental. Let's have fun level to now I'm in high school now I'm being recruited now I'm playing in college etc. Like are there things that you see as ah as the athletes move up through the ranks that are things that you would say like hey we need to really pay attention to this.
46:06.35
Skye
2 things probably come to mind right away Michael as you're as you're saying that one is is this idea that um athletes should play in college like I think that this is a big decision athletes need to make and too often and. Sort of just get sucked into this path of thinking that it's the next specs thing and that we frame playing in college is like this ultimate experience when really I hope that we can start to reframe this to. We want our children to stay healthy and active like my son's playing. Inmural soccer in college. That's great. My daughter opted to play division three college instead set a division 1 despite being the only player on her team that went d three instead of d one. She had the most incredible experience she played every she started every game in college. She was a 3 year captain she was an all american like she was conference and Mvp she was. On the all-conference team every year she literally played so much soccer and grew and developed. So I think that we as parents what we need to do is just kind of reframe the future for our children and not assume it's going to fall on a specific path and really let our children lead the way. So that's kind of 1 thing is that our children don't let or we don't enable our children to lead the way and they they get sucked into this path I will also say that many of caie's teammates I should get the actual numbers on this because it's kind of come up a little bit as Callie's just finished college.
47:32.34
Skye
Ah, you know I'm reflecting on this but I would say that I'm just making this up but half her teammates from high school from her club team that went on to play in college quit before the end of their college experience half of them. Um. And and so you know we we add that that's part of this is is you know making good decisions and then the other thing that comes up to me is just ah self-esteem and the athlete and you know I creating their identification of who they are. What they believe to be true about themselves outside of their athletic accomplishments I think we need to be really thoughtful in how we frame things. Um and and the results that our kids have it was a big struggle for me going off to college and I see that with athletes all the time.
48:16.23
mvhuber
Yeah, and so I think you've hit on a couple of really important things that come up quite a bit when I talk about that issue of sort of moving up the ranks and transitioning is one is the idea of fit right. If I want to if I want to play a sport in College. It's going to require me to make a huge investment right of my time. Um my energy to to to to keep just to keep my head above water to be an athlete.
48:44.64
Skye
Then.
48:46.34
mvhuber
Now I'm moving to a place where is brand new to me in most cases I'm living in a new place I'm making new friends I've got this academic demand that I didn't have really in high school. It's very different right? like you have to find the fit that works for you and and to your sounds like to your daughter's credit. She made a really good choice about what was. Ah fit for her I think there is too much. This is such a over generalization. But there's so much pressure to to compete at division 1 level as sort of the holy grail that I think people just accept these offers to play at the division 1 level because that's. What they think other people want to see or that's how they define themselves and then they end up quitting because it's such a hard grind and oh by the way you are a superstar in high school and now you're in college and you're just like everybody else and it's like well I'm not okay, being like everybody else. So I'm just going to drop out and that's that's okay.
49:35.90
Skye
Um, yeah.
49:41.57
mvhuber
But is that the really the way we want it to go for our athletes.
49:43.57
Skye
Right? I mean I mean every path and every journey for an athlete is different. So I think you're right, we need to be careful not to like generalize too much and really and but I think maybe the most important thing is that the athlete is the one that's leading and is making these decisions and not getting sucked into it because. For Callie to make that decision to go to vision. Three was not easy for her like her coach I know that the people around her were gave a little bit of pressure for not accepting other division one offers that she had at schools that she wasn't interested in attending so you know it is important and it was not easy for me to let her lead the way either.
50:05.12
mvhuber
Um, sharp.
50:20.98
Skye
Not the decision to go division 3 but um, you know this was this was something I constantly had to check myself with um so you know something that I talked to parents a lot about.
50:26.92
mvhuber
Yes, but exactly and I think there's a there's a there's such a. There's so much room for education in that space of you want them to lead the way but you also sort of want to give them the bread crumbs to make good decisions right? but.
50:37.52
Skye
Today.
50:45.71
mvhuber
But what you're talking about like I don't know right? where she came from you know club wise but what I see here where I live and I'll take baseball because that's like I'm closer to baseball in terms of my work I think these clubs are pressuring the players because they want to be able to say I have x number of division 1 players.
51:02.10
Skye
Yeah, yeah.
51:03.74
mvhuber
So that I can then go Mark at my club to the next generation to say like I've got x division 1 players rather than looking at Johnny and saying hey Johnny I know you I've had you in my program for the last seven eight years I think you need to do this. This is what's best for you. Go play juco go play division 3 right? Are we advising them. Based on what's best for them or are we advising them based upon our bias as to what's going to be best for us and I think that that requires a lot of sort of massaging and triangulation and you know hey you know like let's put the kid first and and check ourselves to say you know what I want them to do this. But.
51:34.41
Skye
Yeah, but.
51:40.74
mvhuber
It's not what's best for me. It's what's best for them and I think that's hard as a parent because you want to lead your kid to the right place.
51:47.38
Skye
Right? And um and you you want your kid to lead themselves to the right place and we want to empower children with the decision making skills the awareness the perspective. Ah the self-esteem the confidence.
51:51.90
mvhuber
Yeah, right.
52:03.10
Skye
The maturation to be able to make big decisions for themselves. This is one of the gifts that sports gives our children is the ability to learn so much about their place in the world. Uniquely, it gives our children this.
52:07.89
mvhuber
Right.
52:17.26
Skye
And so you know we really need to facilitate encourage empower that learning to happen.
52:22.39
mvhuber
Yeah, so so as as we wrap up. Um, the last question I usually ask everybody who's on this podcast. It's it. It varies a bit but the 1 thing I ask is. If. There's one piece of advice I know it can be hard for a lot of people if there's one piece of advice that you give to a soccer parent. What would that piece of advice advice. Be.
52:47.90
Skye
Well I might say let your child lead the way. So we since we just talked about that so much I'll give another piece of advice that I often say and that is to encourage them to seek education like to do to to? Actually you've been so. You know you you have had so little agency in the space of your child's sports experience in terms of your role as a sports parent This is stuff You do not know about even if you like me were an athlete and played professionally and college coach like there's still Stuff. You don't know so seek education. Seek guidance find people you trust.
53:25.98
mvhuber
I love it. That's perfect way to end. So Skye thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me here. I loved our conversation. Good luck with everything you're doing I love it. I'm definitely a supporter and following. So. Um, I wish you much success going forward and I hope you have a great holiday. No, that's coming up here.
53:43.92
Skye
Yeah, thank you so much I Really appreciate the conversation I enjoyed it. Thanks.
53:48.46
mvhuber
Thank you so much.